Top 10 Psychological Flirting Strategies Used By All Men

By Nick Hadji 7 months ago

1. Eye Contact

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Let's kick start with a well known strategy, eye contact! You may not want to be met with a staring contest, but men may hold eye contact for up to four and a half seconds! Less flirtatious staring may only last up to three seconds. Be careful, although long stares can confirm interest, they can also come across a little bit creepy if held too long! If you're lucky enough to see their pupils dilate (widen), they might be into you too!

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2. Smiling... Good or Bad?

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Eye contact is a great way to flirt, but smiling is a lot easier to do and a lot less intense! In fact, smiling can make you more attractive and is understood by both men and women worldwide as a way of expressing positive emotion. Fear not if a man is brooding, or looking serious. Men also use this psychological flirting method to give off a bad boy or rebellious charm, which can be more appealing to women!

3. Letting You In On Secrets!

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In an intimate setting, men will share secrets to show vulnerability and open up about their personal life. This can lead to the person on the receiving end sharing too, leading to feelings of trust. It may not just be personal information, they may even reveal gossip or information that seems sensitive to win you over! So next time you hear a man telling you about his mom's secret cake recipe, think twice!

4. Wear Red

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Okay this one may sound a little confusing... not all men will know they are using this strategy, but subconsciously or consciously it works! Wearing red for both men or women can help display sexual attractiveness over wearing any other color of clothing. Evolution is to blame for this! Throughout society, the color red is associated with romance and sex! This is why you may be lucky enough to see a lot of red on valentines day!

5. Demonstrating Self Worth

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Men will want to sell themselves by demonstrating what they can bring to the table. However, men that know when to walk away from a relationship or dates when someone isn't showing interest will be seen as more attractive. Women value self-respect in both themselves and men. Males may have started to work out that coming across as desperate or obsessive isn't the way to go!

6. Breaking The Contact Barrier

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If done in the right way, gently touching someone in a non-sexual way can help break the 'contact barrier'. Some studies have shown that women in nightclubs are more likely to comply or show interest in a man's desire when it is accompanied by a friendly touch. You may be thinking that this isn't psychological? Well, breaking the touch barrier can make the recipient feel safer and more trusting!

7. Asking For Small Favors

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Men won't be asking you to go and mow their lawn or clean their house when they use this flirting strategy, but they may ask for something simple. It could be something as simple as passing salt & pepper across the table. Once you perform one task for someone, you are more likely to do something slightly bigger for them next time as you believe you like them for carrying out the first task. This is called the Benjamin Franklin effect, a subtle technique that more experienced flirts may use.

8. Laughter!

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There is a reason why comedians are successful in their careers and their romantic life! Several studies have shown that interpersonal attraction and humour are closely linked. According to theoretical psychology, women use laughter as a sign of submissive behaviour. Therefore, laughing is an admittance of interest to the person they are laughing with. So it may just be one of the best flirting techniques out there!

9. Having Similar Interests

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Much like having the same humour, having similar interests or hobbies can spark attraction. Men will therefore speak in greater detail about things they know they may have in common with you. This could be sports, music or even family members. Although this flirting strategy may work at the start, it is important to not over exaggerate too much! You don't want to be pretending that you're into gardening just because you thought you'd like a common interest on the first date!

10. Playing Hard To Get

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Now, we aren't encouraging anyone to get lots of tattoos and pretend to be a bad boy. However, being mysterious and occasionally unavailable is a technique used by both men and women to leave the other wanting more. This could involve anything from replying to texts a few hours after receiving them to turning down dates until they're at a time you prefer. Then again, don't over do it as it may end up in your potential partner thinking that you aren't interested at all!

11. Does Asking Questions Work?

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No one wants to be sat a date, waiting to speak for the first time in five minutes. Men will ask women lots of questions to help build openness and closeness with a potential partner. Not asking any questions can also come across as arrogant and self involved, traits that most women won't find attractive. It's important to remember what they say though! Repeating questions is the best way for a man to undo all their hard work.

12. Mirroring

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This doesn't mean putting more mirrors in your house for men to attract women! Mirroring or the Gauchais reaction involves mirroring behaviour, body language or verbal qualities. It is usually a subconscious flirting method used by men to help demonstrate good communication skills. It can also help show your interest and common attributes, something that women appreciate being reciprocated. This doesn't mean they have to do everything at the same, so don't worry if they don't have the same timing as Beyonce backup dancers!

13. Showing Their Passion

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We've all been there, sat listening to someone drone on about a topic you couldn't care less about. Being passionate about things you talk about makes them seem more interesting straight away. Men will talk in different pitch and tone in their voice to demonstrate their passion, doing so is considered to be an attractive quality. Passion in certain topics may also demonstrate how passionate they can be elsewhere too...

14. Posture

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When men are flirting successfully, they tend do have good posture while doing so. Slouching or the folding of arms can accidentally insinuate that you are mentally or physically closed off from the conversation. So if a man is sat up straight, with hips upper chest leant over towards you, you may have a flirt on your hands! Although body language is physical, the psychological effect on the recipient can make them feel appreciated and trusted.

15. Hot Or Cold Drinks?

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Have you ever been out on a date and let them surprise you with some food or drink? If they're aware of the psychology, men will buy you a hot drink over a cold drink! This can help them build a better image of themselves as hot drinks tend to show kindness and generosity according to some papers. They even reported that you're more likely to carry out an act of kindness if you're holding something warm!

16. Tilting Your Head

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We have already discovered that leaning towards your romantic interest shows intent. In addition to this, direction of a man's head tilt may give something away too. If a man is tilting his head to the side, it shows interest and reassures the speaker of this. On the other hand, if he is tilting his head directly towards you, this may signal signs of distrust! Try not to think of a puppy asking for a walk next time you see a man tilting his head though!

17. Confidence Is Key

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When it comes to flirting, confidence is seen by both men and women as more important than physical appearance. When women see a confident man, it can bring out more confidence in themselves. This confidence can also inspire security and therefore willing to take risk with or for the man. Even though confidence is key, over doing it can lead to people having thoughts of arrogance, it's a thin tightrope!

18. Compliments

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It may seem like one of the most obvious ways to flirt, but compliments may be more difficult for men than some of the other strategies used. Most men will compliment but the best flirts will pick out something that stands out to them, then comment on their appreciation for it. Thoughtful compliments like this will make you feel special and go a long way!

19. Deeper Conversation

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Compliments, body language and eye contact can all be very flirtatious, but what happens when you get past the initial stages of meeting someone? Men will start opening up about things you can both talk about, such as views on current goings on in the world will encourage more openness and honesty. Men will also circle back to what you may have previously said to make you feel appreciated and listened to.

20. Teasing

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Teasing or light hearted flirty banter is a great way of combining compliments, humour and playing hard to get. Men will tease to build trust and also help relax potentially awkward situations. Flirty banter shows that a man is willing to drop his barriers and opens women up to doing the same. As long as they don't bring up sensitive topics, it's fun for both people. Would this strategy work on you?

21. Use Of Your Name

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We've all been there, you're at a party or gathering and someone you have met before completely forgets your name and you feel slightly knocked and irrelevant. That is why using someone's name in casual conversation can make them feel included and recognised. It is important that men don't repeat your name too much though, otherwise it feels too deliberate and like they are trying not to forget your name!

22. Offering Help Or Support

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Men will often offer with carrying bags or going out of their way to help out when they are being flirtatious. It shows they are willing to dedicate time and effort for the person they are interested in, demonstrating kindness and consideration. Lots of small acts can build up into one great image! Of course you have to be careful, there is a line where you cannot insult someone's independence! But it's always nice to have someone chip in every once in a while!

23. Praise

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Compliments don't have to be as simple as what they look like or something you're wearing. Men will compliment parts of your personality or intelligence to show that they value more than just superficial things. For example "Wow, I didn't think of that, you have such an interesting perspective", would show value without sounding condescending. Do you prefer compliments about your personality or your looks?

24. Create Inside Jokes

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Inside jokes are typically between two people that are close. Some men may bring up times when it was just the two of you in front of other people to demonstrate the closeness of your nature. If they use them at the right time, they can create a knock on of funny moments. It's good to have those funny moments to bring more chuckles out later on!

25. The Peak-End Rule

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Have you ever been sat after watching America's got talent and tried to remember some of the singers? Usually people remember an act right in the middle or the last one. Men will use the peak-end rule in a similar way. Making a good finishing impression will leave dates thinking that they had a good time, potentially altering what they might have thought up until that point too!

26. Establishing Trust

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Being able to rely on someone is a quality we look for in friends, family and partners. Men will look to carry out small tasks and to reinforce the idea that they are reliable in other parts of life too. Proving that they can follow through with commitment will suggests they will do the same romantically. Although I'm not sure you should commit to anyone for doing your dishes a few times!

27. Social Proof

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When an celebrity posts a picture of a product or item of clothing they like, you best know that there will be millions of people out there wanting to or buying it too. This is an example of social proof. Men will do something similar when flirting, this might look like surrounding themselves with friends or playing darts or pool to encourage potential partners to come and join in. Men using the fear of missing out!

28. The Halo Effect

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A lot of people like to focus on the good qualities of other people and try to dismiss other less desirable qualities. The halo effect is similar, when men speak about certain qualities about themselves, they will focus on something that is relatable and appealing. An example of this may be attractiveness, have you ever seen someone so beautiful that you started thinking that they couldn't possibly be a bad person?

29. Being A Bystander

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There are definitely some situations where intimate conversations are inappropriate, like in a queue to the bathroom. However, there is a good chance men will try and take you off for sneaky one to one conversations. Doing so can encourage more intimate chats that will help create trust and openness, which are difficult to achieve in large group situations.

30. Be Yourself

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People are very good at seeing through lies and deceit, especially when you spend more and more time with them. This is why the best technique for men to flirt is by being themselves, showing sincerity and their true personality is much more attractive to women than pretending to be someone they're not. How many times have you been on the receiving end of one of these flirting strategies?

31. Physical movements and reactions

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A guy is literally going to move in your direction and show you he's interested with the body language and gestures he does. If you walk into a room, he's going to look up and turn his head towards you if he's interested in you. If you're talking, he's going to turn his body towards you and make a show of him listening to you - a sure sign he's invested in you!

32. He makes excuses to be around you

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A guy might also try to make it obvious he likes you by going the extra mile to be in the same places you're going to be. You might have been thinking it was fate pushing you together because you bump into him at every party or the grocery store, but in reality, he's probably trying to get an invite to the same parties to work up the courage to talk to you!

33. He smiles more with you

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If you've been paying attention to him, you might have noticed he barely smiles at other people, but his face lights up when he sees you or is talking to you. This can be a natural reaction because seeing you makes him happy, but he also might be consciously trying to smile more at you to look more attractive and to make you want to talk to him more!

34. He seems REALLY nervous

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Trying to connect to the person you like can be a nerve-wracking experience - it doesn't matter who you are, the idea of trying to flirt can make a lot of people nervous. So if you've noticed that this usually-cool and calm guy is suddenly being a little fidgety, avoiding eye contact or getting a little sweaty under the collar, it could be because he's trying to flirt and is super nervous about it.

35. Watch his lips!

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So people can do this unconsciously without knowing, or on purpose, when flirting with someone they like - it can be a natural reaction. This might be the act of biting his lip or licking his lips slowly. It sounds a bit gross out of context, but biting the lip can be a sign that someone is really attracted to you - and they might purposefully do it to flirt.

36. Does he look at your lips?

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Speaking of lips - one really subtle way people can flirt or show their attraction to you is looking at or glancing at your lips while you're talking. Not only that, but their eyes pretty much roving all around your face as well as keeping eye contact. A lot of this can come from because they're trying to take it all in, or their mind is in overdrive! It's unlikely that someone who isn't trying to flirt with you is going to look anywhere other than your eyes.

37. Ignoring his friends

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So in the early stages of flirting, it can be like nobody else in the room exists if he spots you. So if he's hanging with a group of friends at a bar or any other social outing and you're spotted, it's likely he's going to stop listening to whichever one of his friends were just talking and focus only on you. You have his undivided attention, and he's going to pick you over his friends if he's flirting!

38. Guys blush, too!

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Hey, they're only human, and the body blushes no matter your gender - it's just that the cute adorable blushing we associate with flirting is often linked to girls flirting if they're shy, but guys blush too - and they will if they're flirting and nervous about it, or if you've got them a little hot under the collar with your flirt back game! If he likes you a lot and he's in a conversation with you, you might spot him blushing.

39. The power stance

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The power stanceTM can be something that a guy unconsciously does when he's trying to impress a woman, and it's all about appearing more protective and masculine. You might see him move into the power stance if he's talking to you, or if he's in a room with you trying to catch your attention! It can look like him standing with his legs spread further apart, his back a little straighter and his hands on his hips!

40. Their voice might go a little deeper

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Men can do this in a bid to try and look more masculine or appealing to the person they like. The shift might be forced or they might not even realize they're doing it when they're too distracted with trying to flirt! Men can think that speaking in a deeper voice or register will make them appear more masculine and therefore more attractive - but that's up to you to decide!

41. He might raise his eyebrows

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The idea of having someone raise their eyebrows at you might make you think you're being judged or it's a disapproving gesture, but when it comes to men flirting, it's not the case. They might open up their face more by raising their eyebrows at you when speaking or listening, accompanied by a smile, and it can be a very open gesture because they want you to see that they're listening and invested. It can also be a way for them to 'see' you more clearly.

42. He looks you up and down

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In most scenarios, this doesn't make a person feel good if they feel like a guy is leering at them or looking them up and down in a very obvious way! But to a guy who is attracted and preparing to flirt with you, he might not even realize he's done it because he just automatically checks you out when you enter a room. They will likely try to be subtle about it, and just look you up and down quickly before turning their eyes away.

43. He leans in

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Even if you feel like you're having a less-than-flirty conversation with this guy - just nice chit chat - it can be a game changer if they make the effort to always lean into you. It's a gesture for them to tell you they're interested in being close to you. They might lean in when they're listening to you, maybe even very close giving you their ear if you're in a nightclub or noisy bar.

44. He finds excuses to touch you

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You know how we spoke about breaking that physical contact barrier earlier with those subtle touches? Well if he wants to flirt, it's likely he's going to look for excuses to touch you. This could be helping you on with your coat so he can pull it over your arm, telling you that he'll walk on that side of the sidewalk so he can swiftly touch your back as he passes... just small touches and gestures, but he's going to try and do it as much as possible!

45. He's going to try and get your attention

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If you're in a group setting, or in a busy room, he's going to try and do everything he can to get your attention. He might purposefully move to stand so that he's in your line of sight. He might go to the bar conveniently when you're standing near it, or getting a drink yourself. He might move so he's standing facing you across the room rather than with his back to you.

46. He compliments your outfit

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A guy is ready to give compliments when they're flirting, but complimenting on what you're wearing is very specific to flirting. We all know that down the line in serious relationships it's less likely to get a compliment from nowhere on what you're wearing, but in the early days, they desperately want you to know that they've noticed your outfit and how good you look in it!

47. He looks happier with others when you're around

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Okay so he doesn't actually need to be talking to you for this to take effect. It might be that in a group situation he was looking a bit on the sidelines, neutral facial expression, maybe slouched in his seat... but you walk in the room, suddenly he's beaming at his mates, engaged in their conversation, sitting up straight and looking a whole lot happier.

48. He might try and make you jealous

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This might sound like playground techniques, but unfortunately it's still something guys might do to try and test how much you like them! He might playfully "flirt" with one of your female friends, or maybe playfully tease one of his own, just to see your reaction to it and whether you seem jealous. He needs to gauge if you are, because if you are it means you feel something back!

49. He goes out of his way to get involved in your interests

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So you had a conversation about how much you love (X hobby) or your favorite book is (X). You best believe that he's going to go out and buy that book and read it, or if he's lazy read a summary on Wikipedia, so that he can bring it up the next time you talk to him. He's going to do a bit of research into your interests so that he can talk about it the next time you see him, and try to impress you!

50. He'll do something 'mean' and then backtrack

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We don't mean something really horrible, but this is that playful teasing territory we talked about. Basically he's going to do something on purpose you won't like, just so he can then cutely apologize and make it better! He might elbow you playfully in the arm and when you say 'ow!' he can then put a hand on it, rub it and apologise and say oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you!