Top 10 Psychological Flirting Strategies Used By All Men

By molly atherton 4 months ago
Have you ever wondered about the undercover operations in the flirting world? We are going to spill the beans on the psychological flirting playbook of men. Starting with the sly smiles to clever banter, we're decoding the charm offensive. So, buckle up for a witty ride into the intriguing strategies that men use to turn heads and spark those connections. Unveil the secrets and you might just find yourself saying, "Ah, so that's how they do it!"

1. Eye Contact

Let's kick start with a well known strategy, eye contact! You may not want to be met with a staring contest, but men may hold eye contact for up to four and a half seconds! Less flirtatious staring may only last up to three seconds. Be careful about long stares because ....
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Although long stares can confirm interest, they can also come across as being a little bit creepy and unnerving if held for too long in your opinion!   However, If you're lucky enough to see their pupils dilate, this means widen,  then they might be really into you too!

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2. Smiling... Good or Bad?

Eye contact is a great way to flirt, but smiling is a lot easier to do and a lot less intense! In fact, smiling can make you more attractive and is understood by both men and women worldwide as a way of expressing positive emotion. Fear not if a man is brooding, or looking serious.
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 Men also use this psychological flirting method to give off a bad boy or rebellious charm, which can be more appealing to women!  It's crucial to interpret signals within the broader context of the situation and individual personalities to avoid misreading intentions.

3. Letting You In On Secrets!

In an intimate setting, men will share secrets to show vulnerability and open up about their personal life. This can lead to the person on the receiving end sharing too, leading to feelings of trust. It may not just be personal information, they may even reveal gossip or information that seems sensitive to win you over!
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So next time you hear a man telling you about his mom's secret cake recipe, think twice!  This sharing of secrets in an intimate context serves as a pathway to mutual trust and discloses a level of transparency that should almost certainly be seen as a possibility to go further than flirting!

4. Wear Red

Okay this one may sound a little confusing... not all men will know they are using this strategy, but subconsciously or consciously it works! Wearing red for both men or women can help display sexual attractiveness over wearing any other color of clothing. Evolution is to blame for this! Throughout society, the color red is associated with romance and sex!

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The bold and vibrant nature of red clothing acts as a visual signal, triggering primal associations that contribute to heightened allure. So, next time you find yourself drawn to that red ensemble, know that it might be more than just a fashion choice.

5. Demonstrating Self Worth

Men will want to sell themselves by demonstrating what they can bring to the table. However, men that know when to walk away from a relationship or dates when someone isn't showing interest will be seen as more attractive. Women value self-respect in both themselves and men. Males may have started to work out that coming across as desperate or obsessive isn't the way to go!
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In the dating game, men used to focus on impressing and proving what they bring to a relationship. Now, being attractive involves knowing when to walk away if the other person isn't interested. Women appreciate men who value self-respect, and guys are catching on that seeming desperate or overly fixated is a turn-off.

6. Breaking The Contact Barrier

If done in the right way, gently touching someone in a non-sexual way can help break the 'contact barrier'. Some studies have shown that women in nightclubs are more likely to comply or show interest in a man's desire when it is accompanied by a friendly touch. You may be thinking that this isn't psychological? Well, breaking the touch barrier can make the recipient feel safer and more trusting!
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Surprisingly,  psychological, studies reveal that women in nightclubs tend to respond positively when a man's interest is accompanied by a friendly touch. This non-sexual contact is not just about proximity; it communicates safety and builds trust.

7. Asking For Small Favors

Men won't be asking you to go and mow their lawn or clean their house when they use this flirting strategy, but they may ask for something simple. It could be something as simple as passing salt & pepper across the table. Once you perform one task for someone, you are more likely to do something slightly bigger for them next time as you believe you like them for carrying out the first task.
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This is called the Benjamin Franklin effect, a subtle technique that more experienced flirts may use.  These flirts navigate this effect adeptly, gradually building a rapport and paving the way for more significant gestures, all while maintaining an atmosphere of subtle charm

8. Laughter!

There is a reason why comedians are successful in their careers and their romantic life! Several studies have shown that interpersonal attraction and humour are closely linked. According to theoretical psychology, women use laughter as a sign of submissive behaviour..
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Therefore, laughing is an admittance of interest to the person they are laughing with. So it may just be one of the best flirting techniques out there!  A genuine and hearty laugh can signal authenticity and likeability, making the person more approachable and attractive.

9. Having Similar Interests

Much like having the same humour, having similar interests or hobbies can spark attraction. Men will therefore speak in greater detail about things they know they may have in common with you. This could be sports, music or even family members. Although this flirting strategy may work at the start, it is important to not over exaggerate too much.
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You don't want to be pretending that you're into gardening just because you thought you'd like a common interest on the first date!  Men use shared interests as a smart flirting move. When you both like the same things, it creates a connection and makes conversation easier. Having common hobbies or passions shows compatibility and helps build a bond.

10. Playing Hard To Get

Now, we aren't encouraging anyone to get lots of tattoos and pretend to be a bad boy. However, being mysterious and occasionally unavailable is a technique used by both men and women to leave the other wanting more. This could involve anything from replying to texts a few hours after receiving them to turning down dates until they're at a time you prefer.
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Then again, don't over do it as it may end up in your potential partner thinking that you aren't interested at all!  The idea is to make the pursuit more exciting but it's important to keep it playful and respectful, finding the right balance so it doesn't cause confusion or frustration.

11. Does Asking Questions Work?

No one wants to be sat a date, waiting to speak for the first time in five minutes. Men will ask women lots of questions to help build openness and closeness with a potential partner. Not asking any questions can also come across as arrogant and self involved, traits that most women won't find attractive.
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It's important to remember what they say though! Repeating questions is the best way for a man to undo all their hard work.  So, if you find a man asking you lots of questions, it's likely he's flirting and eager to connect on a deeper level so give him a chance!

12. Mirroring

This doesn't mean putting more mirrors in your house for men to attract women!  Mirroring or the Gauchais reaction involves mirroring behaviour, body language or verbal qualities. It is usually a subconscious flirting method used by men to help demonstrate good communication skills.
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It can also help show your interest and common attributes, something that women truly appreciate being reciprocated.  This does not mean they have to do everything at the same, so don't worry if they don't have the same timing as Beyonce's backup dancers!

13. Showing Their Passion

We've all been there, sat listening to someone drone on about a topic you couldn't care less about. Being passionate about things you talk about makes them seem more interesting straight away. Men will talk in different pitch and tone in their voice to demonstrate their passion.
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 Doing so is considered to be an attractive quality. Passion in certain topics may also demonstrate how passionate they can be elsewhere too...  The passion they exhibit is not just about the hobby; it's a subtle way of showing that they want to share meaningful aspects of their life with you.

14. Posture

When men are flirting successfully , they tend do have good posture while doing so. Slouching or the folding of arms can accidentally insinuate that you are mentally or physically closed off from the conversation. So if a man is sat up straight, with hips upper chest leant over towards you, you may have a flirt on your hands!
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 Although body language is physical, the psychological effect on the recipient can make them feel appreciated and trusted.   When a man maintains upright and confident posture while speaking to you, it often indicates that he's making an effort to present himself in the best light. Good posture is associated with self-assuredness and attentiveness.

15. Hot Or Cold Drinks?

Have you ever been out on a date and let them surprise you with some food or drink? If they're aware of the psychology, men will buy you a hot drink over a cold drink! This can help them build a better image of themselves as hot drinks tend to show kindness and generosity according to some papers
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They even reported that you're more likely to carry out an act of kindness if you're holding something warm!  The choice of a warm beverage suggests a desire to create a cozy and intimate atmosphere. It may be a thoughtful gesture aimed at ensuring you feel comfortable and cared for.

16. Tilting Your Head

We have already discovered that leaning towards your romantic interest shows intent. In addition to this, direction of a man's head tilt may give something away too. If a man is tilting his head to the side, it shows interest and reassures the speaker of this.
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On the other hand, if he is tilting his head directly towards you, this may signal signs of distrust! Try not to think of a puppy asking for a walk next time you see a man tilting his head though!  Tilting his head and sustained eye contact is likely to be a great sign!

17. Confidence Is Key

When it comes to flirting, confidence is seen by both men and women as more important than physical appearance. When women see a confident man, it can bring out more confidence in themselves. This confidence can also inspire security and therefore willing to take risk with or for the man.
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Even though confidence is key, over doing it can lead to people having thoughts of arrogance, it's a thin tightrope!  Confident body language, a steady tone of voice, and the ability to maintain eye contact contribute to a strong flirting game. It's about expressing genuine interest without appearing overly anxious or insecure.

18. Compliments

It may seem like one of the most obvious ways to flirt, but compliments may be more difficult for men than some of the other strategies used. Most men will compliment but the best flirts will pick out something that stands out to them, then comment on their appreciation for it. Thoughtful compliments like this will make you feel special and go a long way!
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Not all compliments are created equal. While many men give compliments, the skilled flirts stand out by noticing something unique and expressing genuine appreciation. These thoughtful compliments make you feel special and have a lasting impact on the recipient.

19. Deeper Conversation

Compliments, body language and eye contact can all be very flirtatious, but what happens when you get past the initial stages of meeting someone? Men will start opening up about things you can both talk about, such as views on current goings on in the world will encourage more openness and honesty.
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Men will also circle back to what you may have previously said to make you feel appreciated and listened to.  This shows he wants to connect on a deeper level and genuinely cares about what you think and feel. It's a way of saying, "I'm interested in you beyond the surface."

20. Teasing

Teasing or light hearted flirty banter is a great way of combining compliments, humour and playing hard to get. Men will tease to build trust and also help relax potentially awkward situations. Flirty banter shows that a man is willing to drop his barriers and opens women up to doing the same.
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As long as they don't bring up sensitive topics, it's fun for both people. When a guy teases you in a playful way, it's often a sign he's flirting. Teasing adds a fun and affectionate vibe to the interaction, showing he's interested and wants to create a light hearted connection.

21. Use Of Your Name

We've all been there, you're at a party or gathering and someone you have met before completely forgets your name and you feel slightly knocked and irrelevant. That is why using someone's name in casual conversation can make them feel included and recognised.
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It is important that men don't repeat your name too much though, otherwise it feels too deliberate and like they are trying not to forget your name!  It's a way of making the interaction feel more individualized and can be an indicator of his interest in building a closer connection with you.

22. Offering Help Or Support

Men will often offer with carrying bags or going out of their way to help out when they are being flirtatious. It shows they are willing to dedicate time and effort for the person they are interested in, demonstrating kindness and consideration. Lots of small acts can build up into one great image!
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Of course you have to be careful, there is a line where you cannot insult someone's independence! But it's always nice to have someone chip in every once in a while!  It's a subtle way of saying, "I'm here for you" and can foster a sense of connection and trust.

23. Praise

Compliments don't have to be as simple as what they look like or something you're wearing. Men will compliment parts of your personality or intelligence to show that they value more than just superficial things. For example "Wow, I didn't think of that, you have such an interesting perspective", would show value without sounding condescending.
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It's a way of highlighting your positive qualities and making you feel special. Praise can range from compliments on your appearance to acknowledging your skills or personality traits.  By vocalizing his admiration, the man is indicating romantic or flirtatious interest.

24. Create Inside Jokes

Inside jokes are typically between two people that are close. Some men may bring up times when it was just the two of you in front of other people to demonstrate the closeness of your nature. If they use them at the right time, they can create a knock on of funny moments. It's good to have those funny moments to bring more chuckles out later on!
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These inside jokes often develop as a result of shared experiences or a specific rapport, indicating that the man is not only comfortable around you but also enjoys creating a special and playful bond.  It's a subtle but effective way of signaling mutual affection and a connection that goes beyond surface-level interactions.

25. The Peak-End Rule

Have you ever been sat after watching "America's Got Talent" and tried to remember some of the singers? Usually people remember an act right in the middle or the last one. Men will use the peak-end rule in a similar way. Making a good finishing impression will leave dates thinking that they had a good time, potentially altering what they might have thought up until that point too!
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Leaving a positive last impression can reshape the overall experience. Just as the last performer sticks in your mind, a man aims to make the end of a date memorable for a lasting positive impact.  Crafting a great final moment ensures that the date is remembered as a great experience.

26. Establishing Trust

Being able to rely on someone is a quality we look for in friends, family and partners. Men will look to carry out small tasks and to reinforce the idea that they are reliable in other parts of life too. Proving that they can follow through with commitment will suggests they will do the same romantically.
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Men often showcase reliability in various aspects of life, not just in relationships. By completing small tasks, they convey a sense of dependability. This reliability extends beyond romantic interests, indicating a broader commitment to follow through on promises.

27. Social Proof

When an celebrity posts a picture of a product or item of clothing they like, you best know that there will be millions of people out there wanting to or buying it too. This is an example of social proof. Men will do something similar when flirting, this might look like surrounding themselves with friends or playing darts or pool to encourage potential partners to come and join in.
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In the dating world, men often use a concept similar to social proof. By engaging in activities surrounded by friends or playing games like darts or pool, they create an inviting atmosphere. This encourages potential partners to join in, showcasing that others enjoy their company.

28. The Halo Effect

A lot of people like to focus on the good qualities of other people and try to dismiss other less desirable qualities. The halo effect is similar, when men speak about certain qualities about themselves, they will focus on something that is relatable and appealing. An example of this may be attractiveness, have you ever seen someone so beautiful that you started thinking that they couldn't possibly be a bad person?
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When men use the halo effect in flirting, they emphasize attractive qualities about themselves. It's like thinking someone really beautiful must be good overall. By focusing on appealing aspects, they try to create a positive impression and make a good impact.

29. Being A Bystander

There are definitely some situations where intimate conversations are inappropriate, like in a queue to the bathroom. However, there is a good chance men will try and take you off for sneaky one to one conversations. Doing so can encourage more intimate chats that will help create trust and openness, which are difficult to achieve in large group situations.

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This helps build a stronger emotional connection and lays the groundwork for deeper, more meaningful relationships. So, when possible, these private talks become a way for men to connect more genuinely.  It's like having a secret space for more personal discussions, going beyond the surface.

30. Be Yourself

People are very good at seeing through lies and deceit, especially when you spend more and more time with them. This is why the best technique for men to flirt is by being themselves, showing sincerity and their true personality is much more attractive to women than pretending to be someone they're not.
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Pretending to be someone else might initially create an illusion, but it's unsustainable in the long run. Women appreciate men who are true to themselves, as it establishes a foundation of trust and mutual understanding. By embracing their true personality, men will attract genuine interest.

31. Physical movements and reactions

A guy is literally going to move in your direction and show you he's interested with the body language and gestures he does. If you walk into a room, he's going to look up and turn his head towards you if he's interested in you. If you're talking, he's going to turn his body towards you and make a show of him listening to you - a sure sign he's invested in you!
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These gestures go beyond words, shouting his genuine interest. It's like a silent dance, each move expressing his feelings. It's his way of inviting a connection, asking you to notice the unspoken language of attraction between you.  It's a game where you can both be winners!

32. He makes excuses to be around you

A guy might also try to make it obvious he likes you by going the extra mile to be in the same places you're going to be. You might have been thinking it was fate pushing you together because you bump into him at every party or the grocery store, but in reality, he's probably trying to get an invite to the same parties to work up the courage to talk to you!
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If he keeps showing up where you are, he's probably doing it on purpose. He's trying to be where you are, hoping for a chance to talk and get to know you better. Those "random" meetings might be his way of getting closer to you.  You never know - he could be the one!

33. He smiles more with you

If you've been paying attention to him, you might have noticed he barely smiles at other people, but his face lights up when he sees you or is talking to you. This can be a natural reaction because seeing you makes him happy, but he also might be consciously trying to smile more at you to look more attractive and to make you want to talk to him more!
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His genuine smile when he sees you speaks volumes. It's a natural joy, but he might also be consciously smiling more to appear attractive and encourage conversation. His lit-up face reveals the happiness your presence brings, creating a welcoming atmosphere that invites further connection.

34. He seems REALLY nervous

Trying to connect to the person you like can be a nerve-wracking experience - it doesn't matter who you are, the idea of trying to flirt can make a lot of people nervous. So if you've noticed that this usually-cool and calm guy is suddenly being a little fidgety, avoiding eye contact or getting a little sweaty under the collar, it could be because he's trying to flirt and is super nervous about it.
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His subtle discomfort reveals that he values your connection and wants to make a positive impression, showing that even the most confident individuals can feel a bit jittery when it comes to expressing romantic interest.  Love can do strange things to people!

35. Watch his lips!

So people can do this unconsciously without knowing, or on purpose, when flirting with someone they like - it can be a natural reaction. This might be the act of biting his lip or licking his lips slowly. It sounds a bit gross out of context, but biting the lip can be a sign that someone is really attracted to you - and they might purposefully do it to flirt.
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This action can be a subconscious or intentional move to draw attention to his mouth, signalling attraction and creating a sense of allure. It's a non-verbal way to communicate interest and make a connection. Besides maybe biting his lip, another subtle sign that a guy is flirting could be the way he adjusts his clothing or grooming when he's around you.

36. Does he look at your lips?

Speaking of lips - one really subtle way people can flirt or show their attraction to you is looking at or glancing at your lips while you're talking. Not only that, but their eyes pretty much roving all around your face as well as keeping eye contact. A lot of this can come from because they're trying to take it all in.
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When a man looks at a woman's lips while flirting, it usually means he's feeling a romantic connection and is subtly expressing interest in getting closer. It's a non-verbal way of showing that he finds her attractive and is thinking about a more intimate connection.  Maybe their mind is in overdrive!

37. Ignoring his friends

So in the early stages of flirting, it can be like nobody else in the room exists if he spots you. So if he's hanging with a group of friends at a bar or any other social outing and you're spotted, it's likely he's going to stop listening to whichever one of his friends were just talking and focus only on you. You have his undivided attention, and he's going to pick you over his friends if he's flirting!
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Simply put, if a guy ditches his friends to talk to you, it probably means he really likes you. He values your company and wants to get to know you better, choosing to spend time with you over hanging out with his friends. It's a sign he's interested in a more personal connection.

38. Guys blush, too!

Hey, they're only human, and the body blushes no matter your gender - it's just that the cute adorable blushing we associate with flirting is often linked to girls flirting if they're shy, but guys blush too - and they will if they're flirting and nervous about it, or if you've got them a little hot under the collar with your flirt back game!
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Blushing is an involuntary physiological response, and when a man blushes, it indicates a genuine emotional reaction. In a flirting context, it can be endearing because it suggests he is sincere, a bit nervous, or genuinely excited about the interaction.

39. The power stance

The power stance can be something that a guy unconsciously does when he's trying to impress a woman and it's all about appearing more protective and masculine. You might see him move into the power stance if he's talking to you or if he's in a room with you trying to catch your attention! It can look like him standing with his legs spread further apart, his back a little straighter and his hands on his hips!
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It signals to the woman that he is comfortable in his own skin and wants to make a strong impression. While body language is just one aspect of communication, a power stance can be a non-verbal way for a man to express his confidence and attract attention.

40. Their voice might go a little deeper

Men can do this in a bid to try and look more masculine or appealing to the person they like. The shift might be forced or they might not even realize they're doing it when they're too distracted with trying to flirt! Men can think that speaking in a deeper voice or register will make them appear more masculine and therefore more attractive - but that's up to you to decide!
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When men feel attracted or aroused, their bodies may undergo subtle changes, including an increase in testosterone levels. Testosterone, among other things, can affect vocal pitch, causing it to lower. Additionally, the psychological aspect plays a role – a man might consciously or subconsciously deepen his voice as a way to convey masculinity.

41. He might raise his eyebrows

The idea of having someone raise their eyebrows at you might make you think you're being judged or it's a disapproving gesture but when it comes to men flirting, it's not the case. They might open up their face more by raising their eyebrows at you when speaking or listening, accompanied by a smile and it can be a very open gesture because they want you to see that they're listening and invested. It can also be a way for them to 'see' you more clearly.
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It's a subtle, non-verbal way for him to express curiosity and suggest a more engaging, possibly flirtatious, interaction. The raised eyebrows often accompany a friendly or teasing demeanor, creating an inviting atmosphere for further connection.  Face it - he's flirting!

42. He looks you up and down

In most scenarios, this doesn't make a person feel good if they feel like a guy is leering at them or looking them up and down in a very obvious way! But to a guy who is attracted and preparing to flirt with you, he might not even realize he's done it because he just automatically checks you out when you enter a room.
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They will likely try to be subtle about it, and just look you up and down quickly before turning their eyes away.  When a guy looks a woman up and down, it could be flirting if he does it with a playful or admiring expression.  If it feels respectful and accompanied by positive signals like a smile, it's likely to be a sign of attraction.

43. He leans in

Even if you feel like you're having a less-than-flirty conversation with this guy - just nice chit chat - it can be a game changer if they make the effort to always lean into you. It's a gesture for them to tell you they're interested in being close to you. They might lean in when they're listening to you, maybe even very close giving you their ear if you're in a nightclub or noisy bar.
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Leaning in during a casual chat is a subtle yet powerful move. It signifies a desire for closeness and undivided attention. Whether it's a crowded bar or a quiet setting, this intentional act indicates that he values your words and wants to be physically closer.

44. He finds excuses to touch you

You know how we spoke about breaking that physical contact barrier earlier with those subtle touches? Well if he wants to flirt, it's likely he's going to look for excuses to touch you. This could be helping you on with your coat so he can pull it over your arm, telling you that he'll walk on that side of the sidewalk so he can swiftly touch your back as he passes... just small touches and gestures, but he's going to try and do it as much as possible!
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These subtle touches also break the physical barrier, turning a friendly interaction into a more personal and potentially romantic one. It's a way for him to convey affection and show that he's invested in the moment. If you notice these small gestures, it's a good sign he's trying to deepen the connection and make the interaction more meaningful.

45. He's going to try and get your attention

If you're in a group setting, or in a busy room, he's going to try and do everything he can to get your attention. He might purposefully move to stand so that he's in your line of sight. He might go to the bar conveniently when you're standing near it, or getting a drink yourself. He might move so he's standing facing you across the room rather than with his back to you.
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By breaking the physical distance, he's expressing interest and inviting a closer interaction. This action could be driven by a wish to focus on her amidst the group or to subtly show that he's prioritizing her company. It's a non-verbal way of saying, "I'm interested in you!"

46. He compliments your outfit

A guy is ready to give compliments when they're flirting, but complimenting on what you're wearing is very specific to flirting. We all know that down the line in serious relationships it's less likely to get a compliment from nowhere on what you're wearing, but in the early days, they desperately want you to know that they've noticed your outfit and how good you look in it!
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This compliment serves it's purpose - complimenting your outfit provides a conversational entry point, allowing him to engage in a friendly and positive exchange. Overall, it's a subtle yet effective way for him to convey his attraction and initiate a flirtatious interaction.

47. He looks happier with others when you're around

Okay so he doesn't actually need to be talking to you for this to take effect. It might be that in a group situation he was looking a bit on the side lines, neutral facial expression, maybe slouched in his seat... but you walk in the room, suddenly he's beaming at his mates, engaged in their conversation, sitting up straight and looking a whole lot happier.
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It's a clear sign of his excitement and positive feelings. This involuntary reaction suggests that your presence brings him joy and brightens his mood. It can indicate genuine happiness and interest in spending time with you.  It makes you feel great that you've had this effect on him!

48. He might try and make you jealous

This might sound like playground techniques but unfortunately it's still something guys might do to try and test how much you like them! He might playfully "flirt" with one of your female friends, or maybe playfully tease one of his own, just to see your reaction to it and whether you seem jealous. He needs to gauge if you are, because if you are, it means you feel something back!
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Flirting with someone else to make you jealous could possibly backfire for several reasons. It could lead to misunderstandings, creating unnecessary tension and confusion in the relationship. Instead of igniting jealousy, it might cause feelings of hurt or betrayal.

49. He goes out of his way to get involved in your interests

So you had a conversation about how much you love (X hobby) or your favorite book is (X). You best believe that he's going to go out and buy that book and read it, or if he's lazy read a summary on Wikipedia, so that he can bring it up the next time you talk to him. He's going to do a bit of research into your interests so that he can talk about it the next time you see him, and try to impress you!
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This action suggests that the person is making an effort to understand you better, share common experiences, and strengthen the bond between you. It reflects a willingness to invest time and energy in the relationship, showcasing their commitment and consideration.

50. He'll do something 'mean' and then backtrack

We don't mean something really horrible, but this is that playful teasing territory we talked about. Basically he's going to do something on purpose you won't like, just so he can then cutely apologize and make it better! He might elbow you playfully in the arm and when you say 'ow!' he can then put a hand on it, rub it and apologise and say oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.
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By playfully engaging and then apologizing sweetly, he's not just testing boundaries but also expressing a desire to make the interaction enjoyable and create a lighthearted connection with you. It's a way of showcasing his personality and playfulness, hoping to make your time together more fun and memorable.