We all know how important it is to recognize toxic people in your life, and how they can negatively impact your mental health. But what if you're the one that's toxic? You might not even realize your behavior is toxic, and you might not mean to upset those around you.
Image source/ Pinterest
It's always important to recognize when you might be the one that's the problem so that you can adjust your behavior and make sure never to push your loved ones away! Here are some signs you might be a toxic person.
1. You ALWAYS talk about yourself
When you're a toxic person, all you want to do is talk about yourself. Your favourite conversation topic is you. And, when the conversation turns to someone or something other than you..
Image source/ Pinterest... you quickly bring it STRAIGHT back to you and your situation... 'well I did this'...' well when I did my exam...' When you're a toxic person, you always make sure to bring the topic right back around to you.
2. People feel drained after being with you
Some people are drains and some people are radiators. Some fill you with a sense of wellbeing and energy but others make you feel like lying in a darkened room and never facing life again.
Image source/ blogspotDo you suck the life from others like an emotional vampire? You might not know that you do, but if you do you are definitely toxic.
3. People avoid you
Do you find yourself walking down the street only to find that the person coming towards you has suddenly disappeared down a side street or headed to the other side of the road?
Image source/ thebottywaiferYou may start wondering why everyone is suddenly busy or 'washing their hair' whenever you suggest a night on the town. This is a clear indication that your company is toxic.
4. Or never speak to you again and ghost you
That new friend you met up with at the gym on a number of occasions has suddenly changed their training times. You have to ask the following question of yourself...
Image source/ wikihow'Is this my doing?' The answer is probably ...yes. It's time to start being a better person - it needs to start TODAY!
5. You are very critical of other people
Whatever someone tells you, you feel that sense of superiority. You are classier, better looking, you have nicer things, and your dress sense is far superior.
Image source/ blogspotYou know without doubt you are more intelligent and interesting. Stop! You are absolutely toxic and you really need to know it!
6. People feel worse about themselves after being with you
You bump into an old acquaintance you haven't seen for ages. Firstly, you look them up and down, straightaway causing them to check their fly zip.
Image source/ adayinyourshoesYou proceed by letting them know how well you're doing and how great your life is whilst at the same time sympathising about the dreadful state of theirs. This is quite clearly the behaviour of a toxic person.
7. You are VERY jealous of people
When you hear that someone has done something well, or they get something new, or they are happy and have achieved something.
Image source/ Chalene Official SiteRather than making you pleased for them all you can feel is a bitter sense of jealousy. And, when the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head, it is never a good trait.
8. You are controlling
Toxic people like to be in control. And they love to control the people they are with in terms of what they are doing or how they think. This is ALWAYS a toxic trait to have.
Image source/ ibelieveIf you find yourself trying to control people for your own gain or own sense of satisfaction, it's time to take a good look in the mirror.
9. You manipulate other people emotionally
Have you ever noticed yourself using emotional manipulation against people? For example, perhaps you pretend you are upset or hurt to make someone feel guilty.
Image source/ cattersmamerolkOr to switch the guilt around when you are actually in the wrong. If this sounds like you, you could well
be a toxic person.
10. You never think you are in the wrong
Never being able to accept that you are in the wrong, or never even being able to contemplate the fact that you actually might be in the wrong - can make it very difficult for anybody to reason with you.
Image source/ wintercheapAnd the likelihood is...that sometimes you ARE wrong. So, it's only decent to own up to it, but first you've got to get some responsibility.
11. You always blame other people
'Well, it wasn't me it was all their fault', 'They're always trying to make me look bad', why does everyone always have it so much easier than me'. If this sounds like you, then it sounds like always blame other people and never take accountability for you own actions and the part YOU play.
Image source/ bluediamondgalleryThis is a toxic ploy that also makes others doubt themselves, or makes everyone around you think they're the ones in the wrong!
12. You take, take, take
When was the last time you did something for someone else for no reason other to help them or to be kind? When was the last time you did a selfless act?
Image source/ FuturityIf you can't remember, then perhaps you are taking advantage of people's kindness without ever repaying it.
13. Your moods are up and down
Perhaps people do not know which version of you they will see that day and so people feel as though they have to tread very carefully in case they upset you or make you react a certain way.
Image source/ PinterestNobody wants to have to tread on eggshells around somebody because they can't predict them. Toxic people can often have more downs than ups, which causes them to drag down everyone around them, too, and only contact people to rant at them about the negative.
14. You put people down in front of others
You put other people down, and in some way, it makes you feel better about yourself having had them humiliated in front of a bunch of people and made them feel small about themselves.
Image source/ buzznobleYou get a kick out of it. Is this you? If so...I'm afraid to say you're a toxic person. Putting someone down is one thing, but if you purposefully do it in front of others, then it can be a power play that a toxic person is known for.
15. You don't let go of a grudge
It can be really hard to let go of things, nobody's denying it. Especially if somebody has hurt you. But it's important to be able to let go of grudges - otherwise it eats away at you.
Image source/ thankfulhomemakerAnd, holding on to that hate will only bring more negativity to your door. Toxic people often hold on to grudges because they like to use it as ammunition should the opportunity ever crop up again, even if it's years down the line when they can use it!
16. You make lots of drama
Drama, drama, drama. Are you the drama? Maybe. If it follows you wherever you go and you always seem to be somehow in the middle of it - it sounds like it's you.
Image source/ dcmpContinuously creating unnecessary drama and causing trouble and stirring the pot can most certainly be a toxic trait.
17. You begrudge other people's successes
A key characteristic of a toxic person is their inability to be happy or celebrate other people for their successes - they are clearly just jealous.
Image source/ blogspotSecretly, you want to hear about other people failing rather than succeeding and you are actually happy when you hear negative things, because it makes you feel better about yourself.
18. You play the victim
Woe is me...everyone's always against me, I'm always the victim. This can be a tactic some people use to manipulate people and make them feel sorry for you - maybe in order to gain something.
Image source/ honestlyadoptionBut always playing the victim is a sign that you might be a toxic person. It also plays into the idea that the whole world revolves around you, and people should stop and listen to your woes when you need them to.
19. You peer pressure people
Peer pressuring somebody is never a good thing. If you have realised that you manipulate people into doing something even if they don't want to do something, or you make them feel bad for not joining in - then you are peer pressuring them.
Image source/ visionsteenAnd it's toxic. Full stop. A good friend - or a good person - will never pressure others into doing something they don't want to do, especially after they've said no!
20. You make threats if you don't get what you want
Have you ever caught yourself saying things such as, 'if you don't do that, I'll end our relationship' or 'I won't be friends with you anymore', just because you haven't got your own way - you are a toxic person.
Image source/ cyberbitThese kinds of threats are not and cannot be acceptable ways to treat people. Toxic people very easily turn to anger because their manipulation isn't working as they'd hoped, so they get defensive.
21. You will not compromise
Compromise is an important part in any relationship - whether it's romantic or a friendship. But, if, all that matters to you is what YOU want, rather than what other people might want or need...
Image source/ goalcoast...then you are certainly not compromising. And eventually people might get tired of having to always do what you want.
22. You will tell people's secrets
When someone confides in you and reveals a secret to you it is a huge sign of trust that they put in you. If you then tell somebody's secret, you are betraying that trust.
Image source/ identitymagIn fact, if you are a toxic person, you may even enjoy the power of having someone's secret and being able to tell somebody else.
23. You make a lot of passive aggressive comments
'Fine, Whatever.' 'That's really good for someone like you'...
does this sound like anyone? If it sounds like you, you are the master of passive aggressive comments and maybe you don't even realise.
Image source/ rdasiaWhich is by no means a good thing, and it can be a very toxic trait. Especially in romantic relationships, passive aggression can make you seem like you're the 'calmer' one and it's the other person's fault.
24. You make everything into a competition
This is a very classic case of 'you went to Tenerife, but I went to 'Elevenerife'. And a lot of people unknowingly do this. Maybe you don't realise that when someone tells you something you have to try, and one up them.
Image source/ seatmaestroBut it's something to be aware of and to stop doing. The only way you can feel in control or more powerful than others - a toxic need in itself - is to feel like you've 'won' the competition.
25. People have told you about your behaviour
When people have told you about your behaviour and that you are displaying toxic traits - it's time to take a look and change things.
Image source/ BBC AmericaPeople don't usually like to call other people out because nobody (most people) does not enjoy confrontation. So, it must be bad if someone is telling you are toxic.
26. You don't care about other's feelings
Maybe you are too focused on your own feelings to even contemplate other people's feelings and think about somebody else other than yourself.
Image source/ natmonitorBut eventually if people realise that you don't care about them, then they probably won't continue to care about you either.
27. You gaslight people
If you are a toxic person, you make people doubt themselves by questioning their version and telling them that your version is the correct one, you make them believe that they have not remembered it right.
Image source/ massucciThis is a seriously toxic trait which you need to stop. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, too, and it's common in a lot of toxic romantic partners trying to control their other half for their benefit.
28. You are pessimistic
It's great to be able to be positive and always see the silver lining. But when you are a pessimist, you are the opposite. You always see the bad in things and people. You always expect the worst.
Image source/ PinterestAnd you may always think about the bad things in every situation which is not only draining for everybody else, but also you.
29. You constantly complain
Moan, moan and more moaning. Some people are a glass half empty kind of person and manage to spin anything into a negative, even if it should have been a great experience.
Image source/ lovemoneyThey manage to complain about something or find something to nit-pick rather than just appreciating the positives. Toxic people also likely complain AT people, rather than a back and forth conversation.
30. You try to make others the same as you
Maybe deep down, you realise you are a toxic person, or you realise that you can be mean or show bad traits. Instead of trying to work on yourself and better yourself, a toxic person instead wants to make everyone else the same to justify their actions.
Image source/ blogspotIt's also a way of taking control, so that you feel like nobody is better than you and on a more equal footing, rather than being more successful.
31. If You Give Criticism, It's Never Constructive
You probably don't even know the meaning of the term constructive criticism, as the only criticism you ever give is with the intend of hurting someone, nit-picking at them or demeaning them in order to make them feel less of themselves.
Image Source / Darwinbox BlogYou might be insecure yourself, and want to cause that insecurity in other people. You might even make things up to criticize just so you can put the other person down.
32. You Give Advice When It's Never Asked
Advice is helpful if someone wants or needs it - but you give advice even when it's not asked for, and probably at the most inappropriate moments.
Image Source / Christ Church Students' UnionThis could be when a person has made it clear its none of your business but you have to get your opinion in any way.
33. You Get Satisfaction Out Of Ruining People's Happiness
You just can't help that urge to rain on someone's parade. You see someone really happy or sharing good news and you just know you have to say or do something to put a dampener on it.
Image Source / The Boston GlobeA lot of this can come from a place of envy. This is one of the biggest signs of a toxic person, as they will do anything to make a person feel as small as possible without any guilt over it. It's like you take their happiness for your own.
34. You Like To Provoke People Into Arguments
You might enjoy doing this on some of the bigger topics, like personal beliefs or religion. You take satisfaction in disagreeing with a certain viewpoint just to cause an argument.
Image Source / HealthShotsYou might dismiss other people's beliefs and offer your own controversial opinion a lot of the time. There's no way you can have a mature debate if your opinion differs, because your opinion is the 'right one', no matter what.
35. You Find Yourself Copying Other People's Mannerisms And Behaviours
This could also apply to copying other things about a person, too, like their work or hobbies. You don't do this because you want to be the person or you look up to them.
Image Source / Imagine CircusYou most likely do it because you want to take what they find good about themselves and make it your own, so that they feel like part of themselves is being stolen or copied in an unflattering way.
36. You Like Making People Feel Guilty If Things Don't Go Your Way
You might be aware (or unaware) of your own sense of entitlement, which means you get annoyed when things don't go your way.
Image Source / Paul Ekman GroupIf this is the case, you might go out of your way to make people feel guilty for things, just so you can make them feel bad enough to let you get what you want.
37. You Try To Get People To Feel Sorry For You
A toxic person of course needs to make people feel sorry for them, too, instead of seeing them for what they really are. You want people to feel sorry for you and you'll certainly try to make it so in order to give yourself that power back.
Image Source / 1-800-Flowers.comYou aren't a stranger to a pity party if you feel someone has wronged you, in order to make them have to be the ones to make it up to you instead. And you'll keep it going for as long as possible!
38. You Never Say Sorry
You don't like to accept accountability for things you've done wrong, so saying sorry is not something you often do - if at all!
Image Source / Tiny BuddhaYou think that saying sorry would mean taking responsibility and most of the time you don't think you should have to say sorry, so you don't.
39. But If You Do Say Sorry, It's Only For Manipulation
If there's a rare occasion you do apologise, it's only because you want them to forgive you and not because you actually mean it.
Image Source / MoneyYou don't intend to change your behaviour or do anything different to avoid it happening again, you're only saying sorry so they'll say it's okay.
40. You Feel And/Or Act Superior
You like being the center of attention, and most - if not all - of the time, you feel like you deserve to be the center of attention. You might feel like a lot of people you meet are beneath you a little bit.
Image Source / Discover MagazineYou don't like seeing the success of others, either, as you like to be the most superior. This can also be why you're drawn to powerful jobs or positions like managerial roles, because you like to be seen as successful and in charge, no matter the circumstance.
41. Chronic Sarcasm Is Your Go-To
Most people are sarcastic every now and again in a funny way, like enjoyable rapport with friends or sarcasm accompanied with a smile. But there's a more malicious form of sarcasm which isn't playful at all.
Image Source / wikiHowSuch as the type made to just make someone feel bad or humiliate them in front of others - and it's this type you use a lot.
42. If You See Someone Excelling At Something, Your First Instinct Is To Sabotage It
You don't feel very comfortable with other people's success, and your gut instinct might be to try and think of ways to sabotage it.
Image Source / CNNThis could be making someone nervous before an important job interview, making someone feel bad about a new job or just sabotaging any chance someone else has at celebration.
43. You're Not Averse To Name Calling Or Verbal Abuse
This might be your go-to when you get into an argument, or when you're angry about something. This is the only way you know how to control a situation - by getting the upper hand.
Image Source / BBCExamples of this can be by using name calling and abuse to belittle someone you're mad at. This is also likely to be very derogatory and unfair, like instead of listening to an upset partner's valid points when they're crying, you'll just call them 'crazy' or 'psycho'.
44. You Like To Micromanage Other People's Lives
You like to have some control over what the people in your live do, where they go and who they see. A lot of time you might not like them seeing anyone else but you.
Image Source / Silicon RepublicYou might ask a lot of the people so that their time is taken up with you, and they don't have time left for the other things they want to do.
45. You Might Feel Entitled To A Portion Of Someone's Hard-Earned Pay
This could be a partner most likely, especially if you are living with them, but can apply to anyone. You may feel like you want to take over their finances or control how they work and how they get paid, like you're owed a sum of it for being in their life.
Image Source / WikipediaA toxic person also won't like it if their partner is earning more than them, so they'll likely try to claim some of it as their own or say it should be shared equally.
46. You See Other People's Accomplishments As Competition Rather Than Celebration
You might find it very easy to admire someone else's achievements at first - or certainly make them feel that way. Then you start to think how you can better them, or see any accomplishment as a challenge that you need to do better and get one up on them.
Image Source / Entrepreneur HandbookIf your partner has received a promotion or pay rise, your next mission will be to get one, too - but one that's a bit better than there's, of course.
47. You Project Onto Other People - Especially When Embarrassed
Image Source / Live Purposefully NowIf someone makes you feel inadequate, then your immediate reaction is to get angry and rant at them. You feel the instant need to defend yourself and prove that you're not inadequate, and you might then switch it round on the other person to show that they're the ones who have the problem.
48. You'll Always Try To Prove The Other Person Is Toxic - Not You
If someone makes you feel inadequate, then your immediate reaction is to get angry and rant at them. You feel the instant need to defend yourself and prove that you're not inadequate.
Image Source / Edward Elmhurst HEALTHYou might then switch it round on the other person to show that they're the ones who have the problem. Toxic people like to project because it's another way of manipulating, or even gaslighting, the other person.
49. You Just Can't Stop Lying Or Cheating (Or Both)
Lying comes very easily to you, and you find yourself doing it most of the time. You're not against betraying someone's trust, and you might even find yourself cheating a lot if you're in relationships.
Image Source / Scientific AmericanYou might often feel you're living a double life, with the face you show to others, and the person you are in private.
50. You Never Own Your Problems
Problems? What problems? If you do have a problem (which you don't, or so you tell yourself) that's for other people to fix.
Image Source / ViewSonicYou can't take adult responsibility for anything and have to be mollycoddled most of the time for other people to sort out.