Signs Someone’s Mom Is A Narcissist

By Jessica O'Neil 8 months ago

She’s obsessed with her looks

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When you hang out with your friends, you can never go anywhere with their family unless their mom is dressed to the nines. Her hair and makeup must be perfect at all times. Her outfit is carefully chosen and she must look better than everyone else that attends the outing. If she isn’t, then be prepared to have an absolutely awful day.

She’s constantly interrupting your hangouts

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You could be grabbing lunch with your friend, or even hanging out in their room casually watching TV. It doesn’t matter – she will always find a way to pop up and take control. There’s always a task to be completed, or there is always an issue that arises that requires your immediate attention.

There are consequences if you do not go above and beyond for her

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You notice every time you go out, your mom gets angry if you do not bring something back for her. She expects you to put her needs first at all costs. When she feels offended by something small, she gets furious if you don’t immediately make a spectacle out of the situation too. Narcissists love drama and they’ll certainly stir it up if they feel you aren’t doing enough for them.

She finds ways to diminish your accomplishments

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Even if you regularly win first place in competitions, your mom will downplay the achievement and tell you the endless ways you could’ve done better. Second place is unacceptable – according to her, she NEVER received anything less than first! Any good you accomplish will always be met with extreme scrutiny and disdain before she congratulates you.

Your birthday is just a second birthday for her

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Yes, she did give birth to you, so you don’t mind giving her some credit on your special day. But when she insists on blowing out your candles with you, or demands presents for herself on your birthday, that’s a major sign of a narcissistic parent. She’ll never let you have your moment to shine as long as she’s around.

No one else in the family is allowed to make significant decisions

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Plans big and small are only for her to decide. This means dinner is always at her discretion, and vacations must be at the location she desires. If not, she will find a way to ruin the meal or make the Disney trip the worst you’ve ever experienced. Waiters will be lashed out on, and don’t even think about getting on any rides in her presence.

She gets intimidated when you dress up

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Your hair looks immaculate today, and you’re wearing the perfect dress you just purchased from the mall. When your mom sees, she picks apart your appearance until you’re left insecure and desperate to change. The possibility of all the attention being on you upsets her, and she’ll do anything to eradicate your confidence.

She finds ways to one-up you in every conversation

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Oh, so you had a bad day at school? Well, she had the worst day of her life at work. Your report card is full of A’s? She’s due for a promotion at work. Good or bad, a narcissistic mother will try to make any event in your life seem minuscule compared to hers.

She hates criticism

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God forbid she takes the wrong turn on an exit. You are sure to feel her wrath. Any type of criticism warrants a huge reaction from her, complete with yelling, crying, and plenty of obscenities thrown your way. Don’t worry, there’s an easy fix – simply never tell her she’s wrong, of course!

She doesn’t apologize for anything

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Every argument ends with you apologizing to her, even if it is clear she is in the wrong. This is because the argument will persist if you aren’t the one to provide peace. Her way of apologizing is walking into your room and asking what you want for dinner. But she will never, ever admit defeat. It’s just not her nature.

Family game nights always end in arguments

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Scrabble and Clue end in tears every weekend. Mini golf leads to the ultimate blowout if she doesn’t win. Narcissists require an executive level of control. So, when the rules don’t bend in her favor, it is “unfair” and everyone else is cheating. Stick to playing video games solo if you’re looking for some weekend entertainment at home.

She doesn’t have many friends

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Remember her friend that used to come over every day a few summers ago? Or the one before that? Now it's just you and her on Friday nights. Narcissists aren’t very good at maintaining friendships. They tend to scheme and use people to get what they want. Your mother will likely develop close bonds with people very quickly, but the friendships will struggle to make it past a year.

They take credit for their child’s positive news

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Have you ever received an award at school, only for your other to incessantly brag to her friends how your intelligence comes from her? A narcissist will always try to make you believe the best parts of you are a result of their control, and they will very rarely allow you to attribute your personal success to your own drive and hard work.

She hates passive responses in arguments

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When arguing with your mom, you notice she gets extra angry when you give in and let her steamroll you. Narcissistic parents enjoy when you fight back, because it gives them the main character moment they’ve been looking for. Knock them down a peg by refusing to engage with their destructive behavior.

She punishes her children for struggling or expressing sadness

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When you’re having a difficult time with your schoolwork, or you’re feeling upset with the way she’s been talking to you lately, a narcissistic mother will bring down the gauntlet and punish you for your perceived weakness. It is yet another way to establish control and make them feel as if they are the stronger person in the relationship.

She must win at all costs

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Losing is not an option for your mother. She would rather fight someone for a single parking spot than spin the lot looking for one that’s likely even closer to your destination. To a narcissist, losing means is unacceptable, and they will sacrifice everything to make sure they get what they want. Even if it means hurting you in the long run.

Wealth is more important than anything to her

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To you, it is clear that your mom only married your stepdad for his deep pockets. Narcissists require wealth and status to maintain the perfect image they’ve spent so long cultivating. They will walk over anybody to get these needs met, even if it means being in a relationship with someone they’re not actually interested in.

She is extremely selfish

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She often forces you to babysit your siblings on the weekend so she can have a night out on the town. Or, she’ll spend her day shopping and tell you she has no money to spare for your school field trip. Narcissists tend to only address their needs and put their children’s needs last.

The house only contains her favorite decor

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There’s a running decor theme in your house, and even your personal bedroom has to follow this aesthetic. Allowing zero deviation from her vision means that your mother is more interested in maintaining a facade than creating a home that reflects the interests of everyone who lives there.

She uses you to get close to your successful parent

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Have you noticed your friend's mother is always trying to cozy up to your mom or dad? Is she constantly asking you to bridge a connection, or only invites you over if your parent is willing to come along too? A narcissistic mom will do anything to advance her position in life, and using your mom or dad to get there is a part of the game.

She is always in a new relationship

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When your mom always has a new partner, this could be a sign of narcissism. She will often replace people in her life who refuse to prioritize her above everything, even if they have children of their own. She also is likely addicted to the thrill of a new relationship, when the energy is vibrant and her partner is willing to spend extra time to impress her.

She puts you down in front of your friend

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Embarrassing you in public is a huge tactic narcissists use to exercise control over you. They will often pick apart your appearance in front of others, or they will burst into the room while you have company and scream about how much of a mess your room is, even if it is spotless. 

Gaslighting is a regular event in her household

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You know for a fact you had $50 in your piggy bank when you last looked. But, upon further inspection, you realize your savings have dwindled by nearly half. The only one with access to your space is your mom and you know she stole it. She will try to convince you that you lost or spent the money, and she will even punish you for it before she ever admits to taking it.

Perfection is a requirement for her whole family

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You are rarely allowed to mess up or forget things. When you do, she lashes out for the entire day, perhaps even the whole week. Perfection allows a narcissistic mom to live in the delusion that her life is so much better than her peers. She needs everyone around her to feel jealous about how amazing her life seems to be.

She pretends to be sick or injured a lot

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She always has a headache, and she’s visiting the doctor multiple times a month with mystery ailments of no origin. This is because it is easier for her to manipulate folks if she seems weak or helpless. That way, she never has to work for anything and can enjoy the spoils of your labor.

She guilts you into doing her favors

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You’re exhausted from a long day of work, but your mother insists on having you run to the store and get her favorite snack. She laments how awful her day was, and how nobody ever does anything nice for her. Narcissists use this tactic as a way to get people to do things for them without ever having to pay them back.

She has a favorite child and isn’t afraid to show it

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Your sister is a star in your mother’s eyes, and you are the messed up one who can never do anything right. She dotes on your sibling and showers them with praise, while you’re stuck with the leftover affection. A mother who is a narcissist will force you to compete with your other family members for her love.

She uses weaponized incompetence

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Asking her to do anything for you is a hassle. You will beg her to come pick you up from the movies, and the one time she does, she arrives an hour late. After all, she “told you” she’s always busy and can only work on her time schedule. Narcissists will mess up on purpose so you have to take care of the more menial tasks they hate.

You can never complete a sentence around her

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She often interrupts you or talks over you because she “knows what you are going to say”. A narcissist will always feel like they know best, and they will often claim they know you better than you know yourself. Getting through a conversation and explaining your side of things is often difficult or downright impossible.

She’s offended by everything

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You have to think twice about the smallest things you say around her because you never know what could be a trigger. Narcissists are just waiting for you to slip up or say something that is mildly inflammatory because it gives them a reason to totally blow up on you and play the victim.