New love is so intoxicating we often ignore the early signs that the relationship is NOT right for us. Maybe you've just started a new relationship and whilst it was going SO well at the start, all of a sudden things seem to just be a bit, well... reg flag central. Or maybe, you've been with your partner for years, but cracks are just starting to appear and you wish that you'd spotted those early signs that he might not be the one for you. From jealousy to poor communication, here are the early signs to look out for that a relationship will not last, so you can try and fix it or decide for sure that it's time to throw in the towel and call it a day.
1. Lack of communication or frequent misunderstandings
If you and your partner constantly feel like you're not on the same page, something likely needs to change. If you always seem to misunderstand each other or there's a struggle communicating in a healthy way, this could be a sign that you won't last. Is it time to throw in the towel and end things? Maybe not yet, there's always ways you can improve communication.
Start by asking how the other person feels, try to think about particular emotions and always keep your partner in the loop if you don't like something they are doing.
2. Disrespectful behavior towards each other
You should always have respect for your significant other. Whether this is in the way that you speak to them, treat them, or talk about them to others. Disrespecting each other will lead to a lack of trust and hurt - a sure way to upset the other person and probably in the process of it all, you'll damage your relationship. Keep a look out for this kind of behavior and call it out straight away.
It's never ok to speak rudely to someone, let alone your partner! So if you feel like a boundary has been crossed it might be time to call it a day.
3. Feeling unfulfilled or unhappy
When a person feels unfulfilled or unhappy, there is the possibility that they will leave the relationship behind to find happiness elsewhere. They could also act in ways that may be damaging to the relationship, out of desperation to seek fulfilment. Feeling unfilled might lead someone to seek validation from other people, for example your girlfriend might go out more and crave compliments from other guys, and vice versa.
The point here is to communicate how you feel. Make sure your partner knows if you're unhappy - it's relationship 101.
4. Having different values or goals in life
If two people are going to stay together happily, they need to want similar things out of life! If one person's dream is to settle down with a family, whilst the other has no intention of children and wants to travel the world forever, then it's likely not to work out. Before you get serious about your partner, you really need to speak about what your future will look like, don't waste your time in someone who sees things panning out differently to you.
When you first meet someone, one of the most important things you should find out is there '5 year plan'. This will help you tell if you're on the same path in life, or not at all.
5. There are jealousy issues
Jealousy creates issues on both sides, the jealous person lives with constant anxiety, anger and insecurities. Whilst the partner on the receiving end is likely to become frustrated, suffocated and resentful that they're being scrutinised and not trusted. It's not a good look, but it's something that isn't that easy to overcome - keep in mind why the other person may feel that way - have they had a bad relationship in the past? Have they been cheated on before? Or is it an insecurity they have about themselves?
It's all about opening up and working out the root of the problem in order to overcome it. Again, speaking about feelings is the best way to do it!
6. Lack of transparency
If there is an apparent lack of transparency within a relationship, this can indicate many current and future issues! This is likely to create trust issues and prevents closeness as a couple. How can two people be in it for the long term if they don't properly allow themselves to be seen? The key is to truly know yourself, what makes you tick? What are you likes/dislikes? Once you know this, you'll be able to communicate it to your partner.
They say you can never really love someone else until you love yourself. Being transparent is a great example of this. Know yourself properly before you get to know someone else.
7. Constant arguments or fighting
If the relationship is constant ups and downs, full of turbulence, then it might one day become too much water under the bridge. Constant fights can create an environment where it's normal to insult and disrespect each other, which doesn't build long relationships! Or relationships at all! While you shouldn't avoid conflict, it's best to discuss heated topics in a calm environment and try to understand what your SO feels by listening to their point of view.
If you're in a new relationship and already fighting loads, it's probably time to end it. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone you don't see eye to eye with.
8. Lack of emotional support or neglect
For a person to choose to stay in an environment, they need to feel like they are valued and supported. Without this, there is likely to be friction and a space will be created between the two. If a person feels dismissed or neglected, they're likely to move on. Emotional support comes in all different forms: physical touch, listening to someone, hearing what they say and helping them to problem solve.
Listen to your partner - it's the big one! But don't just listen, hear what they say and offer good advice to them.
9. One or both partners are unfaithful
Possibly the most obvious reason a relationship may break down is when one person is unfaithful to the other. Cheating on a person could potentially stop them from being able to trust again. Even if they try, the relationship may not ever return to how it was, eventually ending in a split. If your partner has cheated, you might feel a range of emotions including sadness, rejection and fear that it might happen again.
If it's early days and you feel you can't trust your partner again, then it's probably time to move on from your relationship.
10. Different views on important topics such as religion, politics, or family planning
A big difference in views on important topics is almost certainly going to cause arguments, conflict and friction. Aside from this, it impacts how you want to live your life. If two people in a relationship have different ideas about this, it will be very difficult for them to stay together. Of course, it's possible, but there are some differences in values that mean two people are just worlds apart and it's impossible for those two lives to come together.
Get to know a person before you rush into a relationship with them. Find out about what makes them who they are and see if you are compatible.
11. Inability to compromise or find common ground
Relationships are about compromise. If one person has a 'my way or the high way' attitude, they're likely damaging their relationship. A simple compromise can help keep both people happy, satisfied and feeling heard. Failing to do this could end in a split! Again, it's about communicating how you feel but also listening to what your partner wants, there's often a happy medium to keep every party satisfied.
The picture of the cake is a perfect example of a compromise. The relationship might not last if you are unwilling to do this!
12. Ignoring or avoiding important issues
There may sometimes be awkward, difficult discussions which are needed in a relationship. Whilst it can be uncomfortable, addressing them can help bring two people closer and promote longer lasting happiness. Avoiding issues is likely to create a build up of resentment, if you never voice how you feel, your partner will keep doing the things that you do not like and you'll start to dislike EVERYTHING they do!
Rule number 1 - don't avoid the issues. Face them head on and you can progress through them!
13. Difficulty resolving conflicts or issues
Everybody experiences disagreements and conflict in their relationships. But, it's important how this is handled afterwards. Blatant disinterest in making up with a partner, carrying on in silence or turning to toxic behaviors will lead to your relationship failing. It's a huge, huge red flag and it cannot be ignored. If you can't work through the disagreements and issues, it's probably time to call it a day.
Just like the cat above, you'll start feeling bitter towards your partner if you struggle to resolve conflict. Apologise when you need to and don't hold onto a grudge.
14. One partner consistently taking more than giving
Relationships should be 50/50 overall. Whilst sometimes one person may need a little more through difficult periods of life, this shouldn't be a constant. If one person is not getting anything back and giving their all, eventually, they're going to stop giving! Relationships are a give and take process and it's important that you're giving just as much as you are taking from them - keep this in mind when you're thinking about how long your relationship might last.
If you really think it will last, ask yourself 'am I receiving as much as I am giving here?' Then you're sure to know the answer.
15. One partner feeling controlled or manipulated
A lasting relationship should be built on respect and trust. If one person is not allowing the other to be themselves and make their own decisions, then something is seriously wrong. Nobody wants to be controlled or manipulated. Eventually, they are going to decide enough is enough and it's likely that they will leave - which is obviously really sad, but it's definitely for the best!
Controlling relationships can get dangerous, so be sure to check you are not getting carried away with the ups and completely ignoring the downs!
16. Lack of physical intimacy or sexual chemistry
Physical intimacy is what separates a friendship from a romance. Without this, people may have feelings of rejection, hurt and disappointment. Intimacy is key when it comes to closeness, as it helps develop an emotional and physical connection. Lack of intimacy will prevent development and may kill the relationship as it might just turn things into a friend zone situation real quick.Image Source / reddit.com
It's crucial to feel comfortable with the level of intimacy, but whether it's going the full way or just touching, there are loads of way to show a bit of affection.
17. Lack of effort or investment in the relationship
Lacking effort in a relationship can present in many different ways. One example could be a person failing to make time for their significant other. Or, others may become complacent and allow the relationship to turn stagnant by not truly appreciating and recognising what the other person means to them. Long, successful relationships happen when the spark stays alive through EFFORT!Image Source / dailymail.co.uk
Effort is everything and it's important to keep making it throughout your relationship. It's easy to get complacent in a long-term relationship.
18. Lack of shared interests or hobbies
For two people to stay happy together for the long run, there needs to be enjoyment and fun. If a couple have completely different interests and hobbies with little in common, how are they going to have fun together? When a relationship lacks this, it can quickly become boring. Try out new things, maybe join a club together, learn a language together, go for a meal, go for a meal, just spend time doing fun interests together!Image Source / reddit.com
Whether it's a soccer game or playing chess at home, trying new things is sure to keep a bit of a spark alive!
19. Feeling isolated or lonely within the relationship
Feeling lonely within a relationship is a whole different kind of loneliness - and it can be very damaging. If one person is feeling ignored or isolated, it's natural that they are going to seek companionship elsewhere. It's no surprise that this would often lead to a relationship ending. You can spend every minute of the day together and still feel lonely, just because you are with someone doesn't mean you don't feel alone.Image Source / reddit.com
Remember to chat about how you feel and try to get to the root of the problem. Work out why you're feeling the way you are and communicate this to your SO.
20. One partner feeling smothered by the other
Nobody wants to feel smothered by their partner. Feeling as though somebody is keeping tabs on you and having your independence stripped away is not attractive! This can only go on so long, before the person is forced to come up for air - out of the relationship! Everybody likes time with their partner, but everybody needs a bit of space. Spend time with friends away from your SO.Image Source / pinterest.com
Spend a few nights away from your partner, guaranteed it will spark the relationship into action and you will miss each other loads!
21. Disagreements about money or financial goals
Money and finances are a constant which will always run through life. If two people are going to live alongside each other, there needs to be a mutual agreement of how the finances are going to go. According to a study, almost 1/4 of couples break up over finances - and especially in these times, it can be stressful thing to manage. But there's no reason why it should break up a relationship.Image Source / reddit.com
Never expect someone to just pay for everything. And always thank your partner if they treat you to someone special - gratitude goes a long way!
22. Differences in lifestyle or daily habits
It's normal for couples to have different jobs or daily activities, but when their whole lifestyle and habits don't align, this can cause issues. It can be extremely difficult for two people to remain close when their lives are going in different directions. If your partner is doing something inspirational like losing weight, get inspired by them and follow suit - also, tell them just how much they are motivating you to get fit too - they'll love it!Image Source / reddit.com
If you live with someone, bad daily habits such as poor hygiene will really start to grate on your relationship. Make sure you are on the same page about how you feel about day to day things.
23. Being unable to forgive or let go of past mistakes or grievances
Are you the type to hold a grudge? Or perhaps you often bring up an event that happened 12 months ago and involve it in today's argument? This is not healthy! If something isn't worth a break up, then it's best to let it go. People who punish their partner will create frustration and misery in the relationship. If the conversation needs having have it, but if it's in the past, then try to move on - for everyone's sake.Image Source / reddit.com
If you really can't let go, then it might be time to c all it a day. A passive aggressive relationship is not good, for anyone involved.
24. Disrespecting each other's boundaries or personal space
Boundaries and personal space are a necessity in all relationships! There are times when people will need time on their own or have their own personal boundaries which they are entitled to have respected. If there is a lack of this, this could lead to a feeling of suffocation. If you're feeling suffocated - tell your partner. If you are the suffocater - find some new hobbies!Image Source / reddit.com
Physical space needs to be respected. If your partner wants to chill on the sofa after work without spooning or sitting on your knee - let them! There's a time and place for everything.
25. Inability to communicate openly and honestly
If your relationship is built on lies, it's likely to crumble once the truth comes out. Whether it's one big lie or lots of little fibs, this will negatively impact your relationship and could create a huge distance between you. Dishonesty and lack of communication is the opposite of intimacy! By this point, if you feel your partner isn't open and honest - it is a huge sign that you won't last.Image Source / reddit.com
It's probably time to admit that you might not last, as sad as it is, it's probably for the best for everyone!
26. One partner being overly critical or judgmental towards the other
Some people are the type that cannot help but constantly pick at their partner, always pulling them up on things and criticising them. When this is happens, it's sure to damage the connection in the relationship. The receiving partner may feel as though they are walking on eggshells and it can affect their self-confidence too. If you are putting your partner down constantly - check yourself!Image Source / reddit.com
If your partner is always putting you down, it's time to walk away. Nobody needs that.
27. Difficulty accepting each other's flaws or imperfections
It may come as a surprise, but nobody is perfect. Relationships are about loving and respecting the other person for who they truly are, not who you want them to be. If one or both people find it hard to accept the flaws that their partner has, it's likely because they're simply not compatible. You want to be with someone who loves you for who you are, not for who they want you to be.Image Source / reddit.com
Don't lose self-confidence about things that someone else doesn't like about you, you can find someone who will love your flaws!
28. Lack of respect for each other's friends or family
It's well known that people can find their in-laws difficult from time to time. But a person's family is often important to them and can be a touchy subject - especially if you don't get on with them! Bad mouthing them is likely to create resentment and distance, forcing them to choose between their relationship and family - and trust us, family normally comes first.Image Source / reddit.com
Even if you don't like their family, do try to get on with them as much as you can. Make a big effort and things will be alot easier.
29. Feeling that the relationship has become stagnant or unexciting
The secret to long-lasting, fulfilling relationships is to keep things exciting. Of course, over time, how this looks is likely to change. But if two people simply co-exist together, with no effort to go on dates, holidays or try new things, boredom will easily creep in and the routine of day-to-day will take over and dull any spark you have.Image Source / reddit.com
Try to make time for date nights and fun things that will nourish a relationship. Routine is good, but you can go be a bit adventurous now and again.
30. Too much change or sacrifice for the relationship
Whilst compromise is a necessity, somebody shouldn't have to sacrifice their whole life to fit another person in. If a person is having to leave their family, friends, or something highly important to them behind for their partner, it could lead to resentment, loneliness or unhappiness. You don't want to have to change too much, you want your partner to be able to fit into your life.Image Source / reddit.com
Don't lose yourself just for the sake of your relationship. If you feel you are, it might be time to move on.
31. They won't give you a straight answer on plans
As a happy couple, you should be easily making plans together - at the very least having equal amounts of enthusiasm about doing so. So if trying to make plans with your partner is like trying to squeeze blood from a stone, it can be an obvious sign they don't want to commit. It's best to just take the hint - we'd say!image source: reddit.com
Make sure you're not the one making all the effort - it takes two to build a strong relationship. If there's no effort, there's nothing!
32. They take ages to answer messages
This all depends on the circumstances, of course - they might have a job that sees them working busy hours and they're not allowed their phone on them. But if you know that they're free to reply, and it's an urgent question and they still don't, this is a relationship red flag. Obviously read receipts and Whatsapp last checked time will help you to work out whether they are replying to you as they should be.image source: reddit.com
Don't get too caught up in replies straight away, after all, we all lead busy lives, but if it's something that's bothering you, speak to your partner.
33. You don't have those 'deep' conversations
Good communication in a relationship is about more than honestly discussing your feelings and emotions - it's also about talking about the big things. You might talk all day long, but what are you actually talking about? What you had for dinner and who's doing the chores? Delve below the surface to find out more about your partner - it'll help your relationship.image source: reddit.com
Deep conversations can be awkward, but they are always worth having! They help to get to know your partner so much better.
34. You don't get excited to see their name pop up on your phone
If you're happy with someone, it's a good thing to see their name pop up on your phone - you're excited to read their messages, even if it's just a 'good morning', or you're happy to take their call. But if their name popping up makes you feel weird or wanting to ignore, that's not good. You should definitely call it a day if their name fills you with dread.image source: reddit.com
In a long term relationship, you might not get super excited every time, but you will still be happy to hear from your partner.
35. You realize you're pretending everything is better than it is to others
When you're struggling in a relationship, it can often be difficult to face up to it - or you might be too proud to want others to know you're having problems in your 'perfect' setup. So you might have realized you've been bigging up your relationship to others when deep down you know it's not true. You're only lying to yourself.image source: reddit.com
Don't put on a brave face to your friends, tell them really how your relationship is going. They might be able to offer advice.
36. There's something else keeping you together
A lot of couples can stay together because of something either they need to factor in - usually, this is children or pets. Have you realized that if it wasn't for this other thing, you probably wouldn't be with this person? It's inevitably going to break down over time if that's the case. It'll only impact your kids if you stay in a relationship you're not happy in.image source: reddit.com
You should never want to leave a relationship but feel compelled to stay with them just because of the consequences. If you want to leave, leave.
37. You avoid going to bed
You're doing everything you can to avoid going to bed and hopefully 'accidentally' falling asleep on the couch instead. This can be because either you're worried about physical intimacy being initiated when you don't want it, or you just can't bear to have to awkwardly climb in next to them. You need to break up. ASAP.image source: reddit.com
Never dread going to bed with your partner. That means something is seriously wrong.
38. You realize you've been making excuses on your partner's behalf
Oftentimes, we can be in denial about what our partners are doing wrong because we're trying to convince ourselves it's not that bad. So if you're constantly making excuses for your partner, like 'Oh sorry they couldn't make this party, they had to work late!' when actually they just told you they didn't want to go, this is a bad sign!image source: reddit.com
Dig deep and think 'should I really be excusing them?' Always call out behavior that you are not happy with.
39. They could be right next to you and they feel so far away
Closeness in a relationship is about more than physical proximity - if they're right next to you on the couch, do they feel a million miles away? Maybe they even feel distant if you're kissing or cuddling - because that emotional chasm is hard to ignore, and you just aren't connected. It's a huge red flag that you need to address before it's too late.image source: reddit.com
This can happen with time if you don't put the effort in. It can happen if you don't communicate with your partner too.
40. One word answers
If you ask them a question - any question, no matter how deep or important - do they only ever give you one word answers? One word answers are difficult to work with and don't give you much to go off. They know this, which is why they give them - they don't want to talk to you. It's time to get the hint - it's just not working and it's not what you signed up for.image source: reddit.com
Address the issue, and if it's still not working out, it's probably the case that it's not going to last.
41. They don't get angry or upset anymore
This one is a huge sign - because even though it's difficult when you're having shouting matches, them being angry or showing any emotion is a sign that they care. It's when they stop being angry that you should worry, because it means they're numb to it - they don't care enough to be angry anymore. If you still care and they don't - it's not a relationship anymore.image source: reddit.com
They haven't had the courage to leave the relationship, so it's probably time that you plucked up the bravery to end things yourself.
42. You don't fight, it's overly polite!
On top of not getting angry or emotional, it's also worse if you're overly polite to each other - almost as if you're strangers exchanging polite pleasantries as you pass each other in the kitchen. If you're overly polite it means it's reverted back to when you barely knew each other at all. Ahhhh it's so so awkward and you just can't live like that!image source: reddit.com
If small talk is the only talk you're getting and you're just waaay too nice to each other, time to move on.
43. You feel obligated to spend time with them
You should never feel obligated to spend time with your partner. Sure, they'll be times when you might have to compromise and feel obliged to do something, like your partner's work Christmas party, but you shouldn't feel like it's an 'obligation' to just hang out on the couch with them. It's not a healthy way to live and it needs to be addressed.image source: reddit.com
If you find yourself coming up with excuses that you don't want to be spending time together, move on quickly!
44. The quirks you once found cute aren't anymore
When you first meet someone and fall for them, all those little quirks they have are the cutest thing you've ever seen - it makes you fall even more in love with them! But if those quirks have turned into major sources of annoyance for you, like they suddenly make you angry or sent a shiver through you, something has changed in the balance! It's a bad, bad sign.image source: reddit.com
If you find yourself getting annoyed over completely harmless things, your relationship is on its last legs and it needs to be ended.
45. And you've got the 'ick'
Ah, the ick. It's what people in relationships dread because it can suddenly change everything
, in a matter of seconds. Something your partner does might have suddenly changed everything you thought about them, made you look at them differently and just made you icky in the pit of your stomach. It's a game changer once you feel this, there's simply no going back.image source: reddit.com
Are you feeling the ick way too often? Argh. It's a sign your relationship is on rocky ground - uh oh!
46. You find yourself holding back on things you want to talk about
Honest communication is important in a relationship, and you should never hold anything back - but you may have found yourself just not bothering to talk about certain things anymore, because it's just easier to stay quiet than to have them get potentially annoyed. Relationships should be a safe space for freedom of speech - within reason of course.image source: reddit.com
If you find yourself holding back on things you want to talk about and your partner just isn't helping or making things worse, it's time.
47. When they make comments about dating other people
Okay, so it might not be as obvious as 'I want to date other people' because that's obviously an issue, but they might have started dropping hints or observations about the dating pool, about other people or asking you broad questions like 'what do you think about open relationships?' It's a huge red flag that must not be ignored, especially if you're not wanting an open relationship.image source: reddit.com
Thinking about dating other people probably isn't that uncommon, but when your partner actually voices it? Whole different ball game!
48. They aren't the first person you want to share things with anymore
Your significant other should usually be the first person you want to share everything with, good or bad. They're the first person you call after a promotion, or after something devasting just happened on your favorite TV show. But if you're finding they're definitely not the first person you want to tell, well it becomes a bit more complicated...image source: reddit.com
... and it's a sign that your relationship is starting to falter. It's sad but you just can't ignore it.
49. You find them checking out when you're talking
Do their eyes glaze over? Do you see them looking across the room, or maybe even committing that mortal sin, picking up their phone and scrolling while they're talking? If they can't even give you 100% of their attention while you're trying to tell them something, that doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship.image source: reddit.com
Once or twice is fine, but if it keeps happening, time and time again. He's just NOT worth the time.
50. When it gets easier to stay away
Usually, couples who are apart for a few days will miss each other, counting the days until they're together again. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. But for you - or them - is it more a case of 'out of sight, out of mind'? Do you find the longer you're away from each other, the easier it becomes to want to stay away? Do you actually prefer NOT seeing them?image source: reddit.com
If you're apart and you're just not bothered, at all, it's definitely a sign that you need to have a chat with your partner about where this is going...