12+ Tips On How To Stop Hating Someone
By Sarah M
9 months ago
Reflect On Your Reasoning
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We all have someone in our life that we dislike but can't quite remember why. Some people just give us the 'ick', but if we want to get over this horrible feeling of hatred, we need to try and understand why. What do they do that triggers these emotions in you?Empathy
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Now, we've all heard the saying that if you find yourself judging someone you should first 'walk a mile in their shoes'. In other words we should try and find empathy for their situation, even if we feel hurt by their actions. Take a look from their perspective.Try Communicating
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It's the first piece of advice from any good marriage counselor: 'communication is key!'. The most effective way to resolve any disagreement or misunderstanding is to engage in open communication. This way, we can confront our issues head on and start conflict resolution.Talk To Your Shrink
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Speaking of counselors... The worst thing about having someone in your life that you hate, is the effect it has on you and your mental health; it can take over our whole lives. Book a session with a therapist to talk it out and start to work through your emotions.Forgive (But Don't Forget)
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If you ask any spiritual person what they would do to get over hating someone, their answer would probably be to forgive them... easier to say than do! However, it IS a powerful tool in letting go of hatred - just don't forget and let them do it again!Prioritize Your Well-Being
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Hating someone can bring us down to their level and fill our minds with negativity. Prioritize your personal growth and wellbeing instead through exercise, joining classes and getting out in nature. Not only will you feel great, it will shift your focus away from the person you hate.Positivity, Positivity, Positivity!
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Now, I'm not telling you to 'just be more positive' - if someone said that to me when was in a bad place I would probably scream. However, there is a lot to be said for surrounding yourself with the sort of people who bring a positive energy into your life.Try Mindfulness
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It's the wellbeing phenomenon that blew up in the 2010's and for good reason - practicing mindfulness and being completely present in the moment will help you to greater understand and manage your negative emotions. Why not drop into your local Buddhist temple and take a class?Journaling
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When your mind is flooded with negative thoughts about this person, reliving what they did to you, asking yourself what you could have done differently and maybe even secretly plotting their downfall... it can be a LOT. Writing down our feelings can help us process and release.No One Is Perfect
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This one will take time, but it might ultimately be your turning point. Understanding and accepting human imperfection means considering that your enemy might have made a mistake. This isn't an easy process though, as it means having to accept that you aren't perfect either!No More Grudges
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Once you start to hold a grudge against someone, it can feel almost impossible to let it go. Once you have ruminated on the way you have been treated and built it up in your mind, that grudge is going to be hard to move, but we have to try; grudges only prolong your suffering!Meditate
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When we meditate, we notice what thoughts repeatedly enter our minds and work to eradicate them. It always feels impossible to start with, but I promise you, implementing a daily practice of meditation will change the way you see the world and even the person you currently hate!Don't Ruminate
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How many times have you replayed that argument in your mind? More times than you would ever admit, I imagine. Ruminating on negative thoughts and imaginary scenarios may feel cathartic in the moment but will only make everything worse in the long run.Avoidance
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I know we are always told that avoidance isn't healthy, but when it comes to someone who is repeatedly causing you distress... avoid them like the plague! If seeing or hearing from this person triggers you, try to limit contact and consider blocking them on social media.Clear Boundaries
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Even if you are actively trying to conflict resolve; clear and strict boundaries with the other person are crucial. The most important thing to prioritize is protecting yourself from future harm or negativity; so make the boundaries strong and immovable.Redirect Your Energy
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Why are we wasting so much time on someone that clearly doesn't care one bit for us? Redirect your energy to hobbies and activities that make you happy. Don't have any hobbies? Head to the craft shop to pick up a beginner's crochet kit and get creative!Talk To Friends
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We are spending so much time worrying about our enemies that we can forget what brilliant friends and family we have! A problem shared is a problem halved so get together with your besties and chat it out. They may even have some pearls of wisdom to impart!Question Negative Thoughts
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When we are consumed in thinking about how much we hate this person, it can become a vicious cycle. When you notice yourself having these negative thoughts, stop, ask yourself why, and then actively replace those thoughts with positive ones. It takes practice but is worth it.Find Common Ground
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It can be very easy to de-humanise someone we hate and to think of them just as their actions or opinions. Finding common ground means making the effort to discover your shared values or interests - maybe you both support the same charities or have the same taste in music.Avoid Gossiping
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As addictive as gossiping is, it will never get you anywhere positive. Try to refrain from discussing your enemy in a rude or mean way to others, it will only pull you down to their level and make other people think you are just as bad as them! It's not worth it.Self-Compassion
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Choosing to work through past triggering events and difficult emotions is a hugely courageous and exhausting thing to do. Whilst going through this process, try to be kind and patient with yourself and don't beat yourself up if it takes a little longer than expected.Gratitude
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When someone has done something to make us hate them, the one thing we do not feel is grateful! It can be hard to see past the current issue but practicing gratitude and making a list of things you are thankful for every morning could change your perception.Learn From It
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When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; and when life gives you a hateful person... learn from it! Why not choose the ultimate revenge and actually become a better person because of how they have treated you? Use it as an opportunity for personal growth and self-improvement!Try Visualization
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Visualization is one of the most powerful mediative practices for changing your perception. Take the time to fully focus in and imagine a life where you are completely free of hatred and negativity. Visualize how you would feel and look and move around the world. It's kinda magic.Time Heals
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It's the last thing we want to hear when we are in the depths of sadness or anger, but the old saying is true: time really does heal everything. With the benefit of hindsight, we can see things clearer, feel less immediate pain and start to let go of old grudges.Accept Your Differences
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We may wish everyone was a bit more like us but in reality, that would be a complete nightmare! It's time to accept that everyone is unique and just because someone has made a mistake you never would, doesn't mean you don't also have flaws that they don't!Be Present
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The big event that began your feud might still be at the front of your mind, but the truth is, it's in the past. You will never be able to move forward if you have become accustomed to constantly reminiscing. Stop right now and notice your surroundings.Seek Closure
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This can't go on forever and if you know there is no way to move forwards with this person, it's time to seek closure. Have an honest conversation, explain the reasons why you can't be in their life anymore, close the door and move on! You will feel a whole lot better for it.Educate Yourself!
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Hear me out, taking the time to educate ourselves on our enemy's past and what they have been through, might reframe the whole situation. There are certain life events and traumas that we all have, that influence how we react to conflict or what might offend us.Remember, It Hurts You More!
