10 Reasons Why Love Is So Hard To Find

By Nick Hadji 7 months ago

1. People don't want to commit!

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One of the main reasons that love is so hard to find is that some people nowadays just do not want to commit. Commitment has become harder and harder to do, so even if you personally feel ready to commit, you may still find it very hard to find somebody else who is ready to commit. Even going through the rigmarole of dating, it may turn out that actually, all they want is a bit of fun rather than true commitment which can turn into being in love! There is definitely an attitude amongst some people that they would prefer to have a series of non-committal and meaningless relationships.Original content sourced from Femanin.com

2. People always want 'the next best thing'

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It is particularly prevalent in a modern society in almost every aspect, that we are always looking for the next best thing. Sadly, this doesn't just apply to wanting the next new phone, a bigger house, or a fancier car, it actually applies in some people's cases to relationships too. People may find someone and instead of connecting and finding someone to fall in love with they may be constantly searching for someone or something else and comparing different aspects to see 'what is better'. Which, makes it very difficult to actually be in love with someone!

3. There is less of a 'let's work on it' mentality

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If you're a part of the modern dating world, or even a part of recent generations you'll notice that attitudes have changed a lot in comparison to what they once were. For example, in the past when two people were dating they made a commitment to one another and if something went wrong or they had a disagreement they would work on it and move forward. Now, there is much more of a 'it's not working let's break up and move on' mentality. Today's world is much more 'throw away', in many different aspects of the world...from material possessions to relationships.

4. People have 'checklists'

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By no means is it a bad thing to know what you want and have certain aspects of a man you are looking for, whether that is personality or lifestyle, for example. In fact, it's a really great thing to know your own boundaries and what kind of person you want to fall in love with. That being said, sometimes people have certain expectations that are essentially a checklist. For example 'I want a man who is 6 foot 4, plays soccer, drives a nice car and can cook my favorite meal'. These are shallow expectations that may stop you from falling in love!

5. There's a lot of mistrust

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If you are finding it difficult to trust people it can be super hard to actually fall in love. If you are distrusting in general, it may mean that you do not let your guard down or let yourself be vulnerable, which means that you cannot fully connect with another person to a level that is required to fall in love. At some point, you have to let someone earn your trust and be willing to give them that chance. Otherwise, it's difficult to fall in love, and people now especially are finding it hard to trust which is one reason that it may feel impossible to find somebody you love now!

6. People don't want to settle down

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In recent generations, 'settling down' has been pushed back and back and it is becoming something that happens later and later on in life. There's nothing wrong with this, but it can make finding someone to love harder! There is also a mindset that some people have that 'settling down' with one partner is something that they have to do but don't want to do. It is sometimes phrased as an obligation, rather than a blessing to find that person you want to spend the rest of your life with. This can mean that finding that person to love is harder than ever!

7. Appearance is sometimes prioritized over personality

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Physical attraction is of course, important in a relationship. When we're attracted to someone we naturally want to get to know them more. And in a relationship, it's important that you are both physically attracted to one another. Yet, it's by no means the be-all and end-all. It's a tiny snippet of what a relationship should include. Personality will be what bonds you together and what creates deep meaning between the two of you. It's what forms real love. So when people prioritize appearance it's much less likely to lead to love!

8. You've had your heart broken in the past

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Most of us, have had our hearts broken in the past at least once or maybe even multiple times. It's a part of life. And yes, it can affect us moving forward more than we may even realize. Having our heartbroken in the past, of course, makes us more cautious moving forward because we know just how hard and painful it is. Nobody willingly puts themself through this! But if we are too cautious because of it, it can stop us from falling in love in the future because we guard our hearts and our feelings too easily and don't allow ourselves to fall in love.

9. Social media

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Social media now takes the blame for a lot of our problems in society, 'it's social media's fault' and it's ruined everything', and while sometimes it may feel like it's the easy get-out clause, there are some things that it truly had changed. Now, almost everybody is on social media. And, we are not exposed to everybody, wherever they are no matter where they live we can see whoever we want at the click of a button. In some ways, it has made finding love harder because it's opened up the romance market to a global scale, whereas in the past things were much more simple!

10. Relationships aren't the priority anymore

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We're in a completely different kind of day of age right now and our priorities are continually shifting. In the past, we settled down sooner and prioritized families and careers the most. Now, for many of us, we have different kinds of priorities. Many people are settling down and having families much later. Some people aren't interested in relationships at all. Traveling the world for many people is a priority now. And so it is becoming increasingly difficult for people to find somebody for them and to fall in love because people's mindsets are very different.

11. You're going for the wrong kind of person

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Look, sometimes we are just going for the totally wrong person, and it's as simple as that. Sometimes what we want and what we think we need is actually completely different to what we truly do need in a partner. You may be looking for someone who is 'tall dark and handsome' but this really doesn't mean anything. You may be wanting someone passionate and exciting to sweep you off your feet, a mysterious man...in reality perhaps what you need in a relationship is somebody who is loyal, dependable, and kind. If you're looking for the wrong person, it's going to be difficult to find love!

12. You're caught up on somebody

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How can you possibly fall in love with somebody when you're still in love with someone else? If you're still in love with somebody then you cannot fall in love because you can't allow your heart to move on. Some people find that they may be in love with two people at one time... but this is hugely complicated. And, it's not true love. First, we have to heal internally so that e can move on and be happy on our own before we can find somebody else that we truly love. Otherwise, your head and heart will always be elsewhere!

13. You have low self-esteem

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Sometimes low self-esteem can be the cause that people cannot find love. Sometimes when people have low self-esteem they do not realize their own self-worth. This can mean they do not have certain expectations of a partner in terms of how they deserve to be treated and loved. Somebody with low self-esteem may end up putting up with a relationship and a partner who doesn't love them for who they are because they haven't yet realized how amazing they actually are, and the fact that their person is out there waiting for them.

14. You fall in love too easily

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There are some people who find it very difficult to fall in love. But, for other people, they fall in love way too easily and way too fast. They find that they fall in love often, which can lead to difficult situations. Perhaps they fall in love before truly knowing someone. This can stop you from truly, deeply falling in love. the kind of real love you cannot just find quickly or easily. Sometimes our hearts are misdirected and it can be very difficult to truly fall in love or distinguish between the two!

15. There have unrealistic expectations

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Unfortunately, love isn't like the Disney movies, it's not all continuous burning passion, romantic getaways, midnight beach strolls, and candlelit dinners. It might be great if it was, but that's not life. Sometimes love is mundane, relationships are about 'what shall we cook for tea' or 'did you put the bins out', and 'let's work out our weekly grocery budget'. Because at the end of the day, we do life with the person we love in every aspect. But some people quit as soon as things aren't panning out like the movie they had planned out in their mind.

16. People fear the vulnerability of being in love

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Being in love means that you have to be open, vulnerable, and emotional. Only this way can you can truly find that person you connect with and love. But of course, it does mean that you are vulnerable. When you're in love your emotions are vulnerable to being hurt and your heart can get broken. Some people do not dare do this, and they do not want to be vulnerable. Which really inhibits the ability to find someone to love and be loved by! It takes an element of emotional vulnerability to be able to happen.

17. FOMO!

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FOMO is the fear of missing out. And I bet we can all admit to times that we have experienced this in whatever capacity it may be. Maybe our friends went on holiday and we couldn't go, or we had to work when a huge party was happening. People also get it in relationships. Some people feel envious of their single friends and they look back on single days and feel as though they are missing out on certain experiences. Or it could be applied to many different circumstances but they do make it more difficult to find love.

18. Nobody is perfect

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We watch Disney, we watch movies and we have a certain kind of view of what we want and how we expect things to go. It's only natural to envisage something in our head, and when we do conjure up ideas in our head more often than not they are the idyllic version, the perfected thing. In reality, nobody is perfect. And if you are chasing the idea of the perfect person or the perfect kind of love, you could be looking forever because everybody has flaws. It's all about accepting someone and loving them for who they are.

19. Relationships and love can be hard work

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Life is. and can be hard, it can't always be the way we hoped it would go or the way we want it to go. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be realistic. There are things we have to do to make things work that aren't easy or fun. And relationships are the same, they take time, effort, and hard work. Of course, when you're in love it's worth it. But that's not to say that love is always easy. So if people aren't willing to put in the time and effort then it can be very hard for love to actually develop, making it very hard to actually find someone.

20. People are looking for pure passion and excitement

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Okay so picture falling in love...most of us imagine passion, romance, and a feeling of being consumed by love for this person almost instantly. Well, yes that might happen in some cases to some people. But sometimes it doesn't. And even if it happens initially, life cannot constantly be burning passion. There's only so much passion that negotiating mortgage rates as a couple can inspire. Some people assume that because it's not exciting all the time, it's not right. Rather than accepting that relationships are a mixture of all kinds of real-life emotions.

21. People expect to instantly know they've found 'the one'

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We've all heard the saying 'when you know you know'. And this is true for many people. And for many people, it's also not, and both are completely fine and normal. For some people, it may be a slow burner, or perhaps they end up falling in love with a friend. Or, you may not see it coming at all! So the expectation to instantly know can make some people give up on love with someone before it's even begun because they did not instantly know that that person was the one they would fall madly in love with.

22. You're in the wrong place

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Really falling in love can depend on the kinds of places you go to. The kind of places you go to probably reflects your personality. So you are more likely to fall in love with someone you meet in an environment that reflects your hobbies or personality in some way. That being said there are environments that are more aligned with making genuine connections. For example, spending every weekend at nightclubs may not be the easiest place to form deep and meaningful connections, but hey, it could well be. Who knows? All we're saying is that where you go can affect who you meet. Also, staying at home every day and night also doesn't align with meeting anybody either!

23. You are relying on fate and destiny

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Fate and destiny are very philosophical concepts that some people are huge believers in, and other people disregard. Either way is completely personal. But what can be difficult when it comes to falling in love is when someone relies solely on fate. For example, the attitude of what's meant for you will find you are a great concept. But, it may mean that people take a back seat and are barely even open to finding love because they are waiting for the universe to sort everything for them as though love will suddenly stumble to their door.

24. You don't communicate enough

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If we all communicated openly and honestly with each other the world would be a whole lot simpler. But, that doesn't tend to happen. In fact, most of us struggle with open communication. It's one of the main reasons why love is so hard to find now. Nobody wants to be the person to say 'hey, I like you' or 'can I take you out?'. People are scared of openly communicating their feelings and so sometimes love is there but neither person ever know....which is kinda sad. Open communication would make love a LOT easier for us all to find!

25. Past traumas can get in the way

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Past traumas are always going to affect us in some way. Especially if you have not worked through them in some way. They can come out and haunt us even when we least expect it. It can lead to the breakdown of trust, or love. It makes things a lot more difficult in terms of finding love because we are all affected by each and every experience. Working through these past traumas can help us on our journeys to be able to find love, and be open with the person once they gain your trust. However, these things can take a lot of time, hard work, and patience... it's not easy!

26. You self-sabotage!

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We all know a self-sabotager when it comes to love. In fact, we may even be someone who self-sabotages relationships. It's very easy to spiral into self-sabotage mode when you meet someone. Why is it going so well, what's wrong, 'maybe they don't actually like me', 'I should test them', 'maybe I should call it off before they hurt me', All of these kinds of thoughts display self-sabotage behavior. When we meet someone instead of going with the flow and seeing where it goes it can be easy to overthink it and ruin it before you have the chance to get hurt...even when it's going well.

27. You believe you should be loved unconditionally

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Love isn't always unconditional because love does depend on certain things such as how we treat that person. Nobody should be expected to love unconditionally if they are subject to being treated poorly and less than they deserve. Feeling entitled to being loved unconditionally may mean that some people take advantage of their partner by disregarding boundaries and thinking they can act and behave any way they want, expecting to still be loved in return. But, love doesn't work like this in most cases, and nor should it because nobody should be taken advantage of.

28. You're looking too hard

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When you really want to find love it's natural to start looking for it everywhere you go because you are so conscious of it, it's the main thing on your mind! Yet, when people are so set on finding love they may also be looking too hard. They may be looking in places where it definitely doesn't exist, and trying to find every opportunity or every person to fall in love with even when this person definitely isn't the right one. Instead of speeding up finding love, it will actually slow it down as you can end up with multiple people who aren't right for you.

29. You're not being truly yourself

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We can only be truly in love and be loved by someone when we are our most truest selves. Only this way will somebody know who exactly they are falling in love with. That includes all of the best things about you, all of the work, and every tiny quirk you have. This is when you can know that someone loves you because they know all of you, they've accepted you and they love you for it. If we try and guard or hide our flaws from someone they cannot really be in love with you, or you them because you are not able to be yourself with them.

30. People rely on technology

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Technology has advanced society in so many ways and it definitely has made some things easier. In others, it's made things a lot harder. On the one hadn't we could say technology has made it easier to find love as we have access to knowing people from all over who we would never have met. Yet more than ever before people are meeting online and not in real life. People now are not trying to meet people because they rely on their phones to do it for them which in many ways makes finding love more difficult. After all, you do not truly know a person initially from a screen.